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April Fools Day

Guess Who is Now Vegan?

"I became vegan because I saw footage of what really goes on in the slaughterhouses and on the dairy farms."
- Ellen DeGeneres

Like magic mushrooms sprouting in enchanted places
fertilized by Rand Paul filibusters, guess which two women have emerged from the closet to declare that they are now vegan?

Hint: Both are very much in the public eye, and each one has been named as a possible presidential candidate for 2016.

The first one was just a matter of time. She is married to the vegan ex-president who made the change of life while looking death in the face after a severe heart attack scare. Hillary still lives with Mr. Bill, and yes, she is now vegan.

The second one is more of a surprise, but ever since she got involved with school lunch programs and America's obesity epidemic, Michelle Obama has become inspired by Mr. Clinton's change of lifestyle, and is showing great wisdom. Her two daughters, Maneeka and Obliqua have joined her.

Had he survived a Florida psychopath's point-blank range marksmanship skill and been adopted by Barack (as the son Barack never had), Trayvon might have shed his hoodie for a more traditional thobe or bisht worn by his new dad when relaxing in the executive mansion's family wing and become vegan in the process.

So far as I am concerned, Michelle has always been both the brains and strength of the Obama family. I would love to see Hillary and her run on the same ticket four years from now.

My own governor (Chris Christie from Nu Joisey) has declared that he might also explore a vegan lifestyle since the Clinton and Obama wives are leading the way.

OK, none of the above has really happened yet, but on this special day, a guy can fantasize, right?

When did you begin to doubt me? Probably when I suggested that Chris Christie might end his daily habit of eating a rack of cow ribs and the total Southern-fried population of an Arkansas chicken coop.

Happy first day of April. Today is the eightieth anniversary of Germany's persecution of German Jews in which the Nazis declared a boycott of Jewish owned businesses, and that is no April Fools Day joke.

Past Notmilk April Fool's Day columns:

2001- 2005








"When a human being dies, there is a bridge they must cross to enter into Heaven. At the head of the bridge waits every animal that human encountered during their lifetime. The animals, based on how that person treated them, decide which humans may cross the bridge� and which are turned away."
- An Indian legend

Robert Cohen

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