FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,
smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch...Or is it
still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named
for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a
nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle"
the "Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human
hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a 'good dog'...
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they
throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just
because I like the way they smell.
3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.
4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.
5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the
9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the
house - not after.
10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.
11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my
12. The cat is NOT a 'squeaky toy, so when I play with him and he
makes that noise, it's usually NOT a good thing.
P.S. When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back? Please?