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Milk Comedy with Jerry, Kramer, George & Elaine

 The Jerry Seinfeld show was one of the most successful sitcoms in television history. Jerry's milk & dairy comments:


Jerry Seinfeld (to kids): Hey, look at those large animals in the field! Let's go squeeze those things underneath them and then drink whatever comes out. Then, let's take whatever's left over, put it aside for a year or so and - eat it!

 Kids: Eeeeew!


 Jerry: Isn't it weird that we drink milk, stuff designed to nourish baby cows? How did THAT happen? Did some cattleman once say, "Oh, man, I can't wait till them calves are done so I can get ME a hit of that stuff."


 Jerry: Is that it? Ice cream?
 George: Thirty-nine years I enjoy my milk products, and now I can only pray for proper digestion. I'm an old man...
Jerry: An old and bloated man. Lactose intolerance, the milk-lover's Wile E. Coyote!
George: Beep beep.
Kramer: I sorta like that full feeling. You know, they oughta make foods with a whole lotta lactose. Pepperoni-and- lactose pizza, lactose sprinkles, stuff like that.
George: Are you insane?!
Jerry: Jury's still out on that one. Speaking of food, you guys are invited to a barbecue thrown by Elaine and her new boyfriend.
George: As long as he's not a dairy farmer. One look at those cows and I'm musical.
Kramer: Hey, there's a group for you people, you know. It's called, uh... Lactose Intolerants Anonymous. Yeah, that's it.
George: Really? Kramer: The L.I.A. A whole bunch of 'em, they meet every week in that little church on Fifty-Second.
Jerry: Sixty cramping people in one tiny room, now there's a situation.


Jerry: Ever have milk the day after? It scares the hell out of you.


George: That's okay. That's good. You think Louie Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know with the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk. Pasteurization, homogenization...


Kramer: (to George) But what tempts you? You're a portly fellow. A bit long in the waistband. So what's your pleasure? Is it the salty snacks you crave? No no no no...Yours is a sweet tooth. Oh, you may stray, but you'll always return to your dark master...The cocoa bean! And only the purest syrup nectar can satisfy you. If you could, you'd guzzle it by the gallon... Ovaltine!? Hershey's!? Nestle's Quick!?


Seinfeld's routine as performed on the David Letterman show:

 Jerry Seinfeld: "I'll tell you what I like about that mad cow disease...I like the fact that we're attempting to blame it on the cows! They are crazy! They are nuts! These cows are out of their minds! Of course the cows are thinking 'Oh yeah? You're drinking me, you're eating me, you're wearing me, you're sneaking up on me and tipping me over.' Yeah, and I'M a little off mentally? That's why we're mad! Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe we'll eat a little less. Everyone in this room is trying to lose a little weight. A little... something. Everyone's trying to lose something. And not one of you is doing it. I'm not doing it. No one is doing it. Not one person is losing weight! Not one! Do you think that a possible explanation could be that we are still trying to find ways to stuff MORE CHEESE into A PIECE OF PIZZA?! We've hollowed out the crust. We hollowed out the crust about 3 years ago. Now we're double-layering the foundation. I understand they have a new thing coming out... They will actually bake your head right into the pizza! Pizza Hut. It's called 'Hey Pizza-Face.' And you wear the pizza and attempt to eat your way out of it."