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Anti-notmilkman jokes

Q. How can you tell the difference between a dead milk snake on Route 94 in Wisconsin and the Notmilkman lying on the same highway?
A. There are skid marks in front of the snake.

Q. What should you do if you see the Notmilkman rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell if the Notmilkman is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

Q. What does it mean when the Notmilkman is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Q. How many followers of the Notmilkman does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, just the Notmilkman. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve round him.

Q. How can you tell when the Notmilkman is lying?
A. His lips are moving

Q. Why do vegetarians whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be vegans.

Q. What do you get when you cross a vegetarian with a demon from hell?
A. The Notmilkman.

The Notmilkman and the Mad Cowboy (Howard Lyman) were out walking in the woods when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the Notmilkman declared them to be cow tracks. The Mad Cowboy insisted that they must be deer tracks. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

The Notmilkman was walking through a cow pasture when he heard a booming voice from above say, "You are going to live to be 100." That must be God speaking, the Notmilkman thought.
    Immediately he began doing good deeds, figuring out that he now had ample time to make amends in order to enter Heaven. He drove to a nearby farm. He put out hay. He shoveled manure. But as he left the dairy farm where he had just volunteered an hour of his services, he was hit by a bus and killed.
    Coming face to face with God, the Notmilkman protested, "You promised me I was going to live to be 100. Instead, the very first day I did a good deed by helping a dairy farmer, I got hit by a bus and here I am. Why?"
    "I didn't recognize you," replied God.

Two tigers were walking single file along a jungle path. The rearmost tiger wandered off the trail for a few minutes, then reappeared. A few moments later, the front tiger felt what seemed to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below his tail. The tiger disapproved of this action, but didn't want to start anything by bringing it up.
    Then the tiger felt the tongue again, and in the same place. He decided to confront the tiger behind him, and asked, "Did you just lick me twice in the butt?"
    That tiger replied, "Yes, sorry about that. I just ate the Notmilkman and was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."

* * * * *
OK, they had their turn, so now, one of my own:

The Notmilkman was walking on the beach and came across a very old, odd-looking bottle. Unable to contain his curiosity, he rubbed it, and a genie appeared. "For releasing me from the bottle, I will grant you three wishes, but there's a catch" said the genie. "For each of your wishes, every dairy farmer in the United States will receive double what you ask for." First, the Notmilkman wished for a Ferrari. Poof! A Ferrari appeared in front of him. "Now, every dairyman in America has been given two Ferraris," said the genie. "What is your next wish?" "I could really use a million dollars," replied the Notmilkman, and Poof! One million dollars appeared at his feet. "Now, every dairy farmer in America is two million dollars richer," the genie reminded the Notmilkman, and then asked him for his third and final wish. The Notmilkman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've always wanted to donate one of my testicles."