--- Annoying/Embarrassing Habits ----

1. I shall cease doing my loudest scream in my humans ear right after I have snuggled up on her neck making kissing sounds and whispering I love you's into her ear. I also will not laugh my evilest laugh when she winces in pain and sits there with a dazed look on her face until she can hear again. (My Quaker Parrot's favorite way to push my buttons.)
2. Humans who wear glasses need them. I will not insist on attempting to remove every pair I see.
3. Even if it is fun, it's not nice to whistle for the dog and laugh at him when he comes (repeatedly).
4. I will be consistent in my behavior. I will not step up one time and bite the next -- at least without SOME visible cue as to what I have planned. (But it sure is funny to keep her wondering!)
5. I will hold still when I am being photographed.
6. I will not acquire an attitude because my human filed my toenails and refuse to be touched, fed, etc. for days. I know she is just saving her shoulders.
7. I will not beg by hanging upside down with my wings outstretched at dinner.
8. I will not bite my human when she is holding me and her children come near us.
9. I will not bite my human's children when she is holding me and they dare to come near.
10. I will not bite my human's fingers while s/he's trimming my nails.
11. I will not bob my head and laugh when misfortune befalls my humans and they trip or drop things, nor will I fly over and circle above their heads and shriek wildly to add to the melee.
12. I will not climb in my human's hair when I have to go back in my cage.
13. I will not climb on top of my cage whenever the opportunity arises and dare my human to get me down.
14. I will not come in the cat door and scare both feline and human family members to death by startling them.
15. I will not do the mating dance on my human's father's hand. (My father thought that he was dancing, so I had the embarrassing task of explaining the birds and the bees to him. Not a happy role reversal!)
16. I will not drop my treats through the mesh in the cage bottom and then beg for another one (20 times in a row!)
17. I will not escape and hide in the valance and refuse to come when called, making my owner fear I'm dead somewhere in the house.
18. I will not fall into a dark corner I can not get out of then remain silent so my human can not find me.
19. I will not fly back and forth over my human's daughter who is afraid of me.
20. I will not fly down from the top of my cage then hide. This makes my human afraid that the cat, dog, or bigger bird have eaten me.
21. I will not fly into my human's friend's mouth (This is a parakeet.)
22. I will not give my human kisses one second and next second give her the beak of death.
23. I will not hang myself in my play ring to horrify unsuspecting guests then laugh and get out of the ring myself when they run over to help.
24. I will not ignore my new expensive play toys.
25. I will not interrupt the humans when they are imitating nature by making my female human's noises, which cause's them to laugh and get out of the mood.
26. I will not indicate that I am finished with my snack by flinging my dish as far as possible.
27. I will not land on people's shoulders unexpectedly and scare the !$#!& out of them.
28. I will not land unannounced on someone's head, scaring the daylights out of him/her.
29. I will not look high and low to locate a dried poop and then conspicuously chew on it to just to annoy my human and then fly off to make her come after me to take it away.
30. I will not mimic the phone ringing when my human is talking to her friends outside, or in another room, to get me back in the house or room where I am, and then laugh when she comes in.
31. I will not perch on the top of my human's glass and dip my head way down in a take a drink (also leaving a little of what I ate last).
32. I will not play King Kong by hanging on the side of the budgies' cage. I am a macaw, not a gorilla.
33. I will not put my head down to be scratched then whirl around and bite.
34. I will not refuse to come to my human when she calls me nicely, then do The Charge of the Avenging Macaw across the top of my cage so I can bite her when she turns to leave.
35. I will not say "f-you" to everyone who comes into the house.
36. I will not scare senior citizens to death by flying on their heads and chewing on their jewelry.
37. I will not sit on my human father's shoulder as he is about to lecture my human and begin the preamble of the lecture for him.
38. I will not sit perfectly still, making visitors think that I am a stuffed macaw, then when they get close enough, flap my wings and scream at them loud enough to make them wet their pants.
39. I will not take a bath in the fresh drinking water my human just gave me.
40. I will not tattle on the kids when they aren't even home.
41. I will not tell the nice policeman to "BITE ME" when my human is stopped for speeding. (Fortunately he had a sense of humour!)
42. I will not wait until my human has walked outside the house to start fights with my birdy brother inside my human's shirt while we both scream and bite at anything indiscriminately, causing my human to bounce around and scream at us to "cut it out", in front of company and the rest of the neighborhood.
43. I will not want to go to sleep at 1:30 in the morning and wake up at 5:00 in the morning.
44. I will not wolf whistle at the neighbor, when she garden's in her green bikini.
45. If I get mad at my human for whatever reason, I will not deliberately click the buttons that activate the burglar alarm. (Very embarrassing, to say the least. I have now gotten to the point that I call the monitoring company back (as soon as the alarm turns loose of my telephone) and try to avert the police coming to my house. They have started charging for false alarms although I argued with them the last time by telling them that my bird didn't think it was "false" at all considering I had just clipped his toenails.)
46. If someone forgets to shut the door, I really shouldn't tease them by perching on it, and yelling "Here she goes! She's gonna escape this time for sure! Then what will you do?" (Yes my human does yell it, but that is no reason to throw it in her face). I will not then hide under the stoop and silently watch the melee while they frantically search for me.
47. It's not funny to imitate the telephone as soon as my human gets into the shower.
48. It is not funny to fly into walls and fall behind the furniture, making my poor human or her roommate think that I have injured myself.
49. It is not funny to land on the blade of the ceiling fan and then tweet pitifully until my human rescues me (Especially since my human is only 5'4" and must stand on a chair to get me down).
50. More annoying bird habits: landing on shoulder unannounced, while owner is in the shower; "helping" to wrap Christmas presents (sticky tape, feathers and paper don't mix); stealing whole slices of toast off the breakfast plate and dropping them butter side down; sticking my beak into any unguarded cup of tea, when I know it's not good for me; putting chewed paper into my human's ear, then screeching when it is rejected; Ring necks and Alexandrines should not enter the budgie cage and then complain about getting stuck; refusing to believe that you all get the same small seed mix that you have in one of your feeders; Princess parrots do not fit inside budgie nest boxes; Sit on your own eggs please hens; Trying to call the local galah flock into the house through an open window, and nearly falling out in the process; Walking around the house, hiding under beds and rushing out to bite toes, (kakarikis really do this); Pulling chunks of hair out when your person tries to disentangle you from the top of their head; Objecting to the human's children getting a hug by growling at them whilst perched on a shoulder; Chewing glasses with the person still wearing them, just to get attention.
51. My human's purse, shopping bags and back pack are not for my personal enjoyment and I will not climb into them anymore.
52. When my human's back is turned at the pet store I will not reach into her purse and pluck out one of her tampons and proceed to unwrap it and start shredding it. Likewise, when she leaves me in the car for a second, I will not climb onto the back of the seat, after garnering one of the above and proceed to play with it while people are looking into the windows, amazed to see such a bird and prompting them to ask my human when she returns to the car, "What is he doing?".