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An Englishman walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, "Where did you get that thing? The parrot says, "In England. There are a million of them."

Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: If they lived near the bay, they would be bagels!

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Newsday 6/00

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:On the first day of creation, God created the parrot.
:On the second day, God created man to serve the parrot.
:On the third day, God created all the vegetables and nuts of the earth to serve as potential food for the parrot.
:On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the parrot.
:On the fifth day, God created cables and ropes so that the parrot could chew through them.
:On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the parrot healthy and the man broke.
:On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to clean the parrot cages...

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Newsday 12/7/98