A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs $5,000.00."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man.

The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer." The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs $15,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs $30,000. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

 

A woman gets up, puts up the shades, takes the cover off the parrot's cage, makes a coffee, and has a cigarette.

Suddenly the phone rings. Her boyfriend is coming over. She puts out the cigarette, pulls down the shades, puts the cover back on the parrot's cage, and gets back into bed.

The parrot, from under the cloth then says: "Well that was a short day!"

 

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say: "Jesus is watching you."

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice spoke again. The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot: "Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes", said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, then he asked the parrot: "What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a dumb name for a parrot," sneered the burglar. "What idiot named you Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiler Jesus."