Jokes about Vegetables

A guy has celery sticking out of one ear, lettuce out of the other, and a zucchini up his nose.

He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong.

The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."


Two elderly ladies happen to meet at the market after not seeing one another for some time. After inquiring about each other's health, one of them asks how the other one's husband is doing.

"Oh, Ted died last week! He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!"

"Oh, dear! I'm very sorry." replied her friend. "What did you do?"

"I opened a can of peas instead."