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Top Ten Dumb Guy Tips For Avoiding The Bird Flu

10. "Before eating chicken, soak it in Lysol"

9. "Don't lick unfamiliar pigeons"

8. "Frighten birds by constantly meowing"

7. "Stay away from basketball great Larry Bird"

6. "Anti-bacterial smoothies"

5. "Move to a place where there are no birds, like the moon"

4. "Avoid birds that look like they're up to something"

3. "Go back to the old Y2K bunker, start drinking"

2. "Fill birdfeeder with Sucrets"

1. "If you have a chicken, check for swelling in the McNuggets"

"The old assumption that animals acted exclusively by instinct, while man had a monopoly of reason, is, we think, maintained by few people nowadays who have any knowledge at all about animals. We can only wonder that so absurd a theory could have been held for so long a time as it was, when on all sides the evidence of animals’ power of reasoning is crushing."
    — Ernest Bell (1851-1933)