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You know that you're a dairy farmer if:

...your local newspaper has a front-page feature called 'Cow of the Week.'

...you own a trophy that includes the words 'cow chip toss' on it.

...you practice your cow chip throwing techniques while they're still fresh.

...directions to your house include 'turn off the paved road.'

...you have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.

...no matter how you clean your hands, the dirt under your nails won't come off.

...your favorite mixed drink includes Yoo-Hoo.

...people come to your door mistakenly thinking you have an auto salvage business.

...your favorite song is -- Old McDonald!

...that billboard that says, 'Say No To Crack' reminds you to pull up your jeans.

...your sewage system consists of a pipe down a hillside.

...you wake up in the morning already dressed for work.

...on Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.

...your kids hide the Easter eggs under cow patties.

...taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

...your idea of high-quality entertainment is a six-pack and a bug-zapper.

...you think a manicure is some kind of French doctor.

...three-fourths of all the clothes you own have logos on them.

...your gene pool doesn't have a 'deep end.'

...your mailbox holds up one end of your clothesline.

...you've ever given livestock as a wedding present. ...the Marlboro man is your idol.

...you've ever had a conversation about truck tires that lasted more than an hour.

...you call your wife 'ma' and want her to call you 'pa.'

...you have two pairs of jeans and six pairs of boots.

...your front yard has any broken appliances in it.

...you watch Jerry Springer to see if any of your relatives are on the show today.

...your daddy's last words were 'Hey ya'll look what I can do!'

...your lawn furniture was in your house last summer.

...your car uses more oil than gas.

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