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Top Ten Features Of President Bush's Bird Flu Pandemic Plan

15. Add Col. Sanders to the axis of evil

14. Any pigeon seen acting "funny" is brought to Gitmo for interrogation

13. On-call 24/7 Cheney and his 12 gauge

12. Tell Americans everything is fine while secretly making arrangements to escape on rocket ship

11. As he does with most big problems, let dad handle it

10. Hang "Mission Accomplished" sign in every Kentucky Fried Chicken

9. Torture some Perdue employees until they talk

8. Scare birds away with giant radioactive kitties

7. Be on the lookout for any bird which looks "fluey"

6. Build wall along border so birds can't walk in from Mexico

5. Never leave the house, avoid human contact -- like Letterman

4. Tax cuts for the rich

3. C'mon, it's a Bush plan -- you actually think there's ten items?

2. If you see a bird, run like you're being chased by a tiger

1. Hang on until 2009 when it becomes Hillary's headache