Fun

Welcome to Vegetus.org

Vegetus (veh'.geh.tuss) is the Latin word meaning lively or vigorous. The word vegetarian was purposefully derived from vegetus, not vegetable, by the folks at the Vegetarian Society of the UK, or at least that's what one of them said (see The Heretic's Feast). The point was that vegetarianism encompasses a lot more than not eating animals (or dairy or eggs, as per the original definition). Vegetus is also a lot more empowering than vegetable (even though that too was derived from vegetus). So the next time some smart aleck tells you fungi aren't vegetables, now you can tell him where to shove it. In your mouth, jeez, what do you think I am? Bitter?

Vegetarian Cartoons

Vegetarian Jokes

Animal Rights Essays

Why Honey Is Not Vegan

Broccoli vs. Animals

Bad Science or Bad Argument (animal experimentation argumentation)

Strategic Nonviolence

Vegan Recipes Etc.

Non-veg*an Product Feedback Info

Pittsburgh Vegetarians

Things not directly related to veganism including the Equal Rights Alliance

(Icons from Jeffrey Zeldman Presents.)



Vegan & Cruelty-free

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Being A Continuing Collection Of Ideas, Observations, Stories, Dreams, Rhymes, ETC., Ripped from the pages of my Head for your Gracious Consideration

 


WELCOME TO JIMBOB WORLD HEADQUARTERS
Hello To My Friends in Richmond

WHAT YOU WILL FIND HERE
* My songs and Essays
* Whimsical
Word- play
* Rampant, disjointed
speculation
* The
times & life of an American Boomer
* Absurd
humor & playful sarcasm (weeee!)
* Naked Cheerleaders. Not really, but just by inserting those words, I will get thousands more visitors
*
A Force of Nature my new CD!

 WHAT YOU CAN DO WITH IT
* Learn your fate
* Burn off excess brain cells
* Start a new religion based on me
* Print out your favorite parts and
eat them
* Stare at the screen until you achieve Nirvana
* Look for hidden messages (Hint: there are none)

 THE PURPOSE OF THIS SITE:
* TO ENTERTAIN....
inspire, & provoke. To share my thoughts and works with others and exchange ideas. To have creative conversation with the world. It will contain just about every thought I've had worth keeping. If you root 'round, I hope you'll find some worth keeping, too.
* To be an advocate for art & media that speaks to the interests of my boomer generation
* To present my creative endeavors (musical & literary) in the context of the whole person (tastes, philosophies, experiences, etc.). so that, in a sense, there is just one consistent, efficient, and symmetrical piece of work - ME (how tidy)

 Who is it for? Word fans / Kind, fun-loving, imaginative folk
. Who is it not? Devil worshipers / Cannibals / Evil Robots

* I do all my own virtual stunts
* Beware false Jimbobs! I am the one
* All entries are profound unless otherwise indicated
* Come, walk a mile in my pants

* Most entries are short, so you can come & go quickly
I joke about drinking ('cause I don't do it anymore), but drinking & driving is NO JOKE

Official Cop-Out: If some of my jokes sound cruel, be advised they are intended to be funny by dint of their sheer absurdity.
I wish no one any harm, and more importantly, I do not wish to be harmed

PLEASE .. Don't take anything here seriously (except the serious stuff)

 The evolution of this site:  I will add new material on a regular basis, until I am a spent, vapid shell. I hope to eventually have audio samples of all of my songs available on the music page. Please come back from time to time, and share your thoughts with me if you're so inclined.

GUARANTEE
1. This site will grow hair on your mind or your money back
2. If you find nothing here that makes you smile, simply send me proof (ship's log, note from God, etc.), and I'll mail you a nice piece of pie.

WARNING : This site contains heavy items. Metaphysical underwear required. Some entries may also contain tiny grains of truth. If this is a problem (ie, you're in denial), consult with your Guru (take a walk together, hold hands, feed the ducks)

   UNILATERAL DISCLAIMER: I did not ask to be born, and am therefore not responsible for the consequences of anything (real or imagined) that I say or do.


Jimbob's Wall of Hoopla

Note to self:

Need more hoopla

http://www.jimbobsjournal.com/ PageMill_Resources/gohumor.gif"/   

 

 

YOU ARE VISITOR NUMBER 0000000888888 more or less TO THIS SITE!
(I'm also counting all the bacteria that live in your nose)

INTRODUCTION

The magnitude of the needless cruelty inflicted upon other animals by humans in all our myriad pursuits in just the last two hundred years far exceeds what humans have done to each other in all of recorded history. This is not a value judgment, it is a fact. Since we have long ago gained dominance on this planet, it is not an act of war, but an act of selfish indifference. For those of you who need sports analogies; If the battle for survival was a basketball game, the score would be Humans, 718,000,073, Other Animals, 12.

Animal rights advocates have been portrayed by some as dangerous revolutionaries, when in fact we have hardly made a dent in the relentless assault upon our animal kin. What small changes that have been made are more of attitude than substance.

Any apparent bias that I exhibit here towards the "lower" forms of life is merely a fanciful attempt at affirmative action. My tools are humor, satire, and proselytism. I won't hurt anything but, perhaps, your sensibilities.

We are all only here only by the grace of God, and it is not how long, but how we live that is important. (Yeah, baby, tell it like it is, you profound muffin of truth!)

 

THE NEWS FOR ANIMALS

What's hot in Hollywood? Facelifts for dogs!
> U.S. Senator Harrison Shmedlap has proposed a national holiday for Ebenezer Fleegle, "father of the squeaky toy"
> In a recent poll, clumping kitty litter, veggie burgers, and fake fur were picked as the greatest inventions of the 20th century
> A bus load of corporate lawyers on their way to a fun day at Disneyland plunged off a 1,000 foot cliff when the driver swerved to avoid hitting a butterfly. The butterfly was treated for shock, and released.
> The Medical Research Association predicts that we are "just around the corner, and maybe half-way down the block" from finding a cure for human-induced cancer in laboratory rats. At a press conference, an experimental spokesrat made a noise that sounded like "whoopee".
> Proposed new warning to be displayed on gasoline pumps; "If you continuously inhale these fumes, the gene pool is better off without you, anyway"
> The president today apologized to cows, citing "centuries of inappropriate human behavior" and called for a national day of atonement. He also noted that, while animals have no rights under law in America, they can, however, inherit huge sums of money.
> The trend of supplying rich people's pets with organs from condemned shelter animals is just a symptom of animal elitism. Will it lead to a mongrel revolution? Stay tuned.
> "Marcelle", the veteran Poodle actor, won an Oscar for his dramatic portrayal of an alcoholic Saint Bernard in "Avalanche!"
> A hot issue in the presidential campaign is whether or not dog-houses should be bigger, i.e., as proportional to the dog's size as human houses are to their occupants. Also, the Republicans' suggestion that squirrels should be branded with zip codes has been received coolly in the Midwest.
>

New job opportunities: Golf caddies (dogs, donkeys). Toll-takers (parrots). Of course monkeys can perform any job, but they have the unfortunate reputation of not taking anything seriously.

- - - - - -

> Hot Songs: "Got a Lot Of Sniffin' to Do
> Gift Ideas: ARF! "cologne for discriminating dogs" by Chanel / also for dogs; Whitman Sampler's new assortment of individually wrapped cat turds
> On a cat Cooking-show: "First you take the ground mouse, add just a pinch of powdered spider (to taste), and top it off with a bird eyeball for a festive holiday treat!



  SHAKESPEARE WAS A MONKEY 

 Put an infinite # of monkeys at an infinite # of typewriters (keyboards), the saying goes, and one will type Shakespeare. Well guess what, one did - his name was Shakespeare! It is in that spirit that I publish this list of words emitted by my companion animals (cats, unless otherwise indicated). Sound & fury, signifying nothing? All depends on your point of view.

 

  Larynx

  Cow / Now / Wow

  Cracker barrel (twice)

  Garish

  Oligarchy

 

 Regalia

Hat rack

 Error

 Cacophony (followed by a hairball)

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 Friend (by my dog - she belched it)

 Livid

 Ungowa (from Tarzan movies)

 

 Gargle

 Malice

 Kernel (dog)

 Harry Who ?

 How are you?

 

 Argus (dog)

 Hello

 Reparation (a demand?)

 Glockamorra

Yanni

 

 Grow

 Catamaran

 Aladdin

   

Words I have inadvertently said while sneezing: Bitchfoot /

 

 Q & A

  Q: How do you know if you're an "animal person" ? A: 1.) If you remember your friends' pets' names, but not their children's. 2.) If you catch bugs in the house and release them outside 3.) If a cat falls asleep on your lap, and you stay put just to accommodate him.
Q: why so few men in the animal rights movement? A: Men are less empathic than women, and are afraid to rock the macho boat (your loss, guys).
Q: I think I might want a cat, what do they do ? A. Eat, sleep, poop, run around, - a lot like you, but much less convoluted.
Q: Do humans think ? A: I'm not qualified to answer that - I'm human.
Q: Which is worse, to value animals over people, or things over animals ? A: It depends how you define "worse"
Q. I think there's a homeless person living behind the walls in my house. I sometimes hear him singing at night. They're dirty and spread disease, and I wont have it! Any advice? A. Well, he isn't homeless now, is he? You could try poison, but if you have children or pets, it's better to play it safe with the spring loaded neck-breaker or a glue trap. Of course you could use a "humane" trap and then release him in another part of town. Good Luck.

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 ANIMALS IN THE ARTS

 

 Favorite animal related albums; Listen to the Animals, Listen to the Wind, by Bill Van Noter / Expressing, by Jim Harris / Tame Yourself, a compilation put out by PeTA
Favorite animal songs: Let the animals live, by Paul Nahay, from a compilation album put out by the now-defunct "Musicians for Animals" organization. See
Paul's website for more info on this great song. / Wind on the Water, Crosby, Stills & Nash / Old Brown Dog by Ralph McTell
Favorite animal fiction: Watership Down, by Richard Adams / Any of the "Cat.."books by Cleveland Amory
Favorite animal films : Babe / many Disney flicks, from Dumbo to The Lion King / Bless the Beasts & Children (when I asked for it at the video store, the clerk thought i said "Blast the beasts..." - sign of the times, eh?)
> Favorite anti-violence songs: Bungalo Bill, Happiness is a Warm Gun, The Word, All You Need is Love (The Beatles)

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TRUE STORIES

 

> The first time I saw a whale, it glided silently under our boat like a green & gray glowing ghost
> Peppy, the dog next door, tried so hard to give me her paw even though she was crippled with arthritis
> I actually heard a traffic report state that there was "animal debris" on the road where a deer had been hit
> I once heard an animal experimenter say, "We collect the hearts of all our animals"

- - - -

> " Biggie", my 50-cent lizzard got a big lump on his neck, so I made an appointment with the vet who was curator of reptiles at the zoo. It was a long ride and I arrived late. The vet was already annoyed, and when he saw Biggie, he was furious. "We feed these to our lizzards", he said. He could give me no curative information, and still charged me twenty (1972) dollars for the visit. I think that kind of snobbery has no place in the healing profession - or anywhere else.

- - - -

> I met a poor young man in a beat-up car who told me that he carried his arthritic old dog through the park every day because the dog had loved this place so much in his healthier years. It just so happened that this day, as he was lifting him out of the car, the dog died in his arms. The man wept quietly. I felt stunned, and all I could mumble was "I'm sorry". As I drove away, I thought to myself, "with all your knowledge of animal rights philosophy, couldn't you have come up with something a little more profound?". But that was just about my stupid pride. The dog was not a philosophical or political statement to that man, it was his friend

- - - -

> We went to the Baltimore Aquarium to stage a surprise demonstration. Three of us were to find the underground window to the dolphins' tank and summon them (by stroking combs with our thumbs) just as the show was beginning. Then, our comrades in the audience upstairs would stand and unfurl banners protesting captive marine mammals.

We slipped downstairs, our heads full of plans, times, and escape routes, and gave the required signal. Silence, hearts pounding, straining to see through the tons of water. Then three dots appeared, getting larger, closer, swiftly gliding right up to the other side of the glass. The phrase, "Oh my God" rolled over & over in my head. We three "commandos" stood transfixed in wide-eyed, open-mouthed wonder, tears streaming down our faces. Then, after a long, electric moment, one of us (I don't know who), said , in a soft, quivering voice, ". . .Hi".

The muffled sounds of tumult wafted down from above, then the closer sounds of hurried footsteps in the bare concrete corridors. Uniformed guards burst in noisily through the double fire-doors. We never budged. The guards led us out like zombies, our heads turning to keep from breaking eye contact with the magnificent creatures until the last possible moment.

We were dumped outside, where our upstairs counterparts were angrily trading insults with the exiting patrons (the show was abruptly canceled), but I felt no anger, no pain, no logical thoughts at all. I felt like I had just had a religious, overpowering, humbling experience. The whole three hour ride home in the van, the others were pumped and preachin' to the choir. I never said (or heard) a word. Years later, I still haven't completely digested that moment at the glass. It haunts me. I'm grateful to have been there

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 VEGETARIANISM

 

 > Boring (& gross) but true: All through my teens and early twenties, I suffered from severe colitis. Nothing doctors prescribed helped. When I finally woke up and stopped eating meat (for other than health reasons), within a week the attacks of severe pain ceased and have never returned. Can I get a "Amen"?
> New promotional gimmicks from the flagging meat industry; Theme song, " I don't care what they say, I won't stay in a world without meat" / Pork hunts (ala Easter egg hunts)
> When you eat animals, you dream their dreams
> Make yourself a safehouse, not a slaughterhouse
> I'm a volutary vegetarian. Some humans are voluntary carnivores

SNAPPY RETORTS

 

 > Upon learning that I was a vegetarian, a waitress once said to me, "I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables", to which I (wish I had) replied, "Well I did. I didn't claw my way to the top to keep on clawing". I think that winning the war frees you from the burden of further harming your adversaries. To be noble in victory flies in the face of "might makes right" (Another possible retort - "you didn't do any clawing, some hairy cave person did")
> When I'm at a protest, and some passerby yells at me to "get a life", I shout back, "get a conscience" (thanks to Diane for that one)
> You don't need to be informed to have a opinion about God, why should I need to be informed to have an opinion about animals? I know what I feel
> Oh no! I've been accused of liking animals better than people. Listen, I like pocket lint better than people. Call the thought police!
"C'mon, doesn't a juicy steak make your mouth water?" "No, it makes my heart break"
> When someone yells an insult at you, smile, yell, "Thanks", and give the thumbs up. It pisses them off and makes others think you got a complement

 

 WHAT YOU CAN DO

 

> Go Vegetarian : This is by far the most influential thing you can do for animals.If your worried about nutrition ( I'm not), you can research the topic on the internet. The more people turn veggie, the more industry will offer viable alternatives to meat
> You artists out there - write a song, or write a screenplay, etc., dealing with animal issues. It is an exciting, fertile, untapped source of material for artists in all media
> Write letters to your local newspapers defending animals and explaing why you support animal rights
> Learn about the issues, visit these web sites;
The Fund for Animals
The Humane Society of the United States
PETA >> People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals
> Learn about the history of animal advocacy at Recording Animal Advocacy

 

 PHILOSOPHY

> As an animal, I'm a citizen of the world
> Animal rights is about saving souls - ours
> King Kong died for our sins. (think about it, man)
> In a world without people, would animals have rights ?
> Roaches are not God, but grow towards God (just as we humans do)
> I've learned to take animals at "face value". I trust what I see when I look in their eyes.
> The opposite of the "Bambi" syndrome is the "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer weiner" syndrome
> We must never let a philosophy outweigh our compassion for any individual creature (isn't that a philosophy?)
> Would Americans give up their cars (or their guns) to save human lives? No - freedom is more important. Yet they expect animals to give up their freedom (and their lives) to (maybe) save human lives
> When I speak against animal testing, people say (sarcastically), "Well why don't
you volunteer then?", which only emphasize the point that no one in their right mind who had a choice would volunteer for such lunacy
> I find that many people believe in the need for medical testing on animals, and don't find it morally offensive. All I say is, let us also investigate non-animal alternatives. I have complete faith that someday they will eliminate the "need" for animal sacrifices
> The philosophy of animal research seems to be "Do unto others what you don't want done unto you"
> In general, I believe, people don't want to know about all of the suffering that goes on in the world. It's too much to deal with. However, if you see suffering and are not moved by it, then you are not just different from me, you're a different creature altogether. I believe that animal rights is about the struggle for predominance of those two branches of Homo Sapiens
> I am an Idealist. I don't believe in sacrificing anyone for anyone - ever. I think that nature has shown us that we as a specie can
eventually get everything we need or want without harming others. A true measure of our goodness is not what we will do to survive, but rather what we won't do. This, coupled with a hope for the immortality of all souls, is what I tried to write about in my song, "A Better Place"

A principle that works for me is "Equal consideration for eaqual interests". For example, a lion does not need to be considered for many of the rights that people have (education, voting, etc.), but where their interests are equal to ours (freedom, living space, etc.), they deserve equal consideration. See my lyrics to "
Just Like You"
> I think that any religion that doesn't respect animals is incomplete. They are more truly God's creatures than we are
> Almost everyone loves at least one animal. It isn't love that we need to teach, but consistency / equity

 BUMPER STICKERS

  > Fresh Food or Flesh Food?
> Stop and smell the Animals
> Choose Life - Go Vegetarian
> Save the planet, and the people will take care of themselves

  WAR STORIES / TIPS

   > Don't wear those birthday-present leather shoes at an animal rights demonstration. It's amazing how passersby will scrutinize you for any signs of animal products, as if proving you a hypocrite will somehow invalidate your cause ( and thus also free them of any possible guilt). I call this the "J. Edgar Hoover" syndrome
> Upcoming stories ; Anti-fur santas / The Jesus guy / The pigeon shoot / The Harrisburg sport show / Lunatics I have met in the animal rights movement

 PREACHY STUFF

  > The journey to Godhood is not uniquely human
> Animal Rights will take us (kicking & screaming) to the next level of civilization
> Evolution is about building ships (arks?) to carry higher consciousness
> In an ideal world, people would not have pets, but we have to play with the hand we're dealt
> One of the most irksome things to me is our lack of consistancy in our dealings with animals. We may love a dog, yet eat or wear a cow (or vice-versa)
> When humans warehouse live animals, kill them & eat them, that's "normal", but if a mouse should find its way into your house looking for a crust of bread, that's somehow wrong
> If you're like me, you've had a tough time reconciling religion with respect for animals. Check out
all-creatures.org , an interesting site "dedicated to cruelty-free living through a vegetarian/vegan lifestyle according to Judeo-Christian ethics"

 WHAT IF ... 

 > What if I had nothing to put in "what if"?
> What if the leading -lady part in South Pacific had been played by a cat ? Can you imagine that man singing "Some Enchanted Evening" into a cat's face from 4 inches away ? Wow.
> What if medical students had to practice their surgical techniques on unrestrained, unsedated Bengal tigers ? Yee-ha!

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WHAT SEPARATES US FROM THE ANIMALS

 

> We do
> Only humans need laws
> Humans are always horny
> Ego - massive, not passive
> Paperwork (write that down)
> We can willfully make all of creation happy
> We believe in magic. We look beyond this life
> Our bodies are"temples", theirs are "McNuggets"
> The same thing that separates us from each other (and from God)
> In general I think animals are just humans without all the detours (some would say that God is in the detours). Humans create obstacles for themselves which they then pat themselves on the back for overcoming. We love to make a short story long. Only humans can think themselves happy or sad without relation to empirical reality
. . . and What Doesn't
> You know how our emotions are heightened when we're moving in a car ( e.g.,music, anger, etc,). I think it's the same cursive trait that whips hunting canines into a frenzy

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  GREAT MOMENTS IN ANIMAL RESEARCH

 

 >  Doctor Gerhard Schvendt spent 16 years releasing store-bought tomatoes in the wild, keeping meticulous notes and measurements of their movements, before concluding that they were indeed not animals (although he did keep several of his favorites as pets). He personified the great scientific principle of "Never Assume Anything"
> The brilliant sociologist Leopold Gleeep froze a group of ants for seven years, then thawed them out to see how they would relate to "today's" ants. From his notes; "Moments after releasing the test group into the colony, I lost track of which group was which - they all looked the same. It really didn't matter anyway, because all any of them did was just run around. Run, run, run. I grow profoundly tired. The world is a Great Enigma."
> Professor Judas Bilk devised an experiment in which he would offer a restrained dog a biscuit and then yank it away at the last moment. He successfully completed the maneuver 12,073 times - the dog never caught on. On the 12,074th try, however, the professor suffered a massive stroke, after which he could only mumble "Welcome to Hawaii" in a fake Swedish accent. He had hoped to prove that dogs lacked the ability to recognize even rudimentary practical jokes, and were thus unfit subjects for whoopee cushions and the like. Dr. Thomas Flenk (Harvard, !933), however, concluded just the opposite; That dogs made.. "Perfect suckers". He was tragically mauled while trying to use a "hand buzzer" on a Saint Bernard
> Dr. Brandu Vavavavoomba experimented with many types of animals before discovering that the the brains of flattened possums could be used to power hand-held calculators. This news was met with great joyous parades in the streets of Calcutta
> Whenever I smoke, drink, or take drugs, I think, "Thank God they tested this on animals. Now I can really push the envelope."

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