(veh'.geh.tuss) is the Latin word meaning lively or vigorous. The word
vegetarian was purposefully derived from vegetus, not vegetable, by the folks at
the Vegetarian Society of the UK, or at least that's what one of them said (see
Heretic's Feast). The point was that vegetarianism encompasses a lot more
than not eating animals (or dairy or eggs, as per the original definition).
Vegetus is also a lot more empowering than vegetable (even though that too was
derived from vegetus). So the next time some smart aleck tells you fungi aren't
vegetables, now you can tell him where to shove it. In your mouth, jeez, what do
you think I am? Bitter?
Honey Is Not Vegan
Science or Bad Argument (animal experimentation argumentation)
Product Feedback Info
not directly related to veganism including the
Being A Continuing Collection Of Ideas, Observations, Stories,
Dreams, Rhymes, ETC., Ripped from the pages of my Head for your Gracious
TO JIMBOB WORLD HEADQUARTERS §
Friends in Richmond
YOU WILL FIND HERE
* Rampant, disjointed
of an American
humor & playful
* Naked Cheerleaders. Not really, but just by inserting those
words, I will get thousands more visitors
Force of Nature
my new CD!
YOU CAN DO WITH IT
* Learn your fate
* Burn off excess brain cells
* Start a new religion based on me
* Print out your favorite parts and
* Stare at the screen until you achieve Nirvana
* Look for hidden messages (Hint: there are none)
PURPOSE OF THIS SITE:
* TO ENTERTAIN....
inspire, & provoke. To share my thoughts and works with
others and exchange ideas. To have creative conversation with the world.
It will contain just about every thought I've had worth keeping. If you
root 'round, I hope you'll find some worth keeping, too.
* To be an advocate for art & media that speaks to the
interests of my boomer generation
* To present my creative
endeavors (musical & literary) in the context of the whole person
(tastes, philosophies, experiences, etc.). so that, in a sense, there is
just one consistent, efficient, and symmetrical piece of work - ME (how
is it for? Word fans / Kind, fun-loving, imaginative folk
. Who is it not? Devil
worshipers / Cannibals / Evil Robots
do all my own virtual stunts
* Beware false Jimbobs! I am the one
* All entries are profound unless otherwise indicated
walk a mile in my pants
entries are short, so you can come & go quickly
I joke about drinking ('cause I don't do it
anymore), but drinking & driving is NO JOKE
Cop-Out: If some of my jokes sound cruel, be advised they are
intended to be funny by dint of their sheer absurdity.
I wish no one any harm, and more importantly, I do not wish to be harmed
Don't take anything here seriously
the serious stuff)
evolution of this site: I will add new material on a regular
basis, until I am a spent, vapid shell. I hope to eventually have audio
samples of all of my songs available on the music page. Please come back
from time to time, and
your thoughts with me if you're so inclined.
1. This site
will grow hair on your mind or your money back
2. If you find nothing here that makes you smile, simply send me proof
(ship's log, note from God, etc.), and I'll mail you a nice piece of
: This site contains heavy items. Metaphysical underwear required. Some
entries may also contain tiny grains of truth. If this is a problem (ie,
you're in denial), consult with your Guru (take a walk together, hold
hands, feed the ducks)
UNILATERAL DISCLAIMER: I did not ask to be born, and am therefore not responsible for
the consequences of anything (real or imagined) that I say or do.
more or less
(I'm also counting all the
bacteria that live in your nose)
The magnitude of the needless cruelty inflicted upon other
animals by humans in all our myriad pursuits in just the last two hundred years
far exceeds what humans have done to each other in all of recorded history. This
is not a value judgment, it is a fact. Since we have long ago gained dominance
on this planet, it is not an act of war, but an act of selfish indifference. For
those of you who need sports analogies; If the battle for survival was a
basketball game, the score would be Humans, 718,000,073, Other Animals, 12.
Animal rights advocates have been portrayed by some as dangerous
revolutionaries, when in fact we have hardly made a dent in the relentless
assault upon our animal kin. What small changes that have been made are more of
attitude than substance.
Any apparent bias that I exhibit here towards the
"lower" forms of life is merely a fanciful attempt at affirmative
action. My tools are humor, satire, and proselytism. I won't hurt anything but,
perhaps, your sensibilities.
We are all only here only by the grace of God, and it is not how
long, but how we live that is important. (Yeah, baby, tell it like it is, you
profound muffin of truth!)
THE NEWS FOR ANIMALS
What's hot in Hollywood? Facelifts for
> U.S. Senator Harrison Shmedlap has proposed a national holiday for Ebenezer
Fleegle, "father of the squeaky toy"
> In a recent poll, clumping kitty litter, veggie burgers, and fake fur were
picked as the greatest inventions of the 20th century
> A bus load of corporate lawyers on their way to a fun day at Disneyland
plunged off a 1,000 foot cliff when the driver swerved to avoid hitting a
butterfly. The butterfly was treated for shock, and released.
> The Medical Research Association predicts that we are "just around the
corner, and maybe half-way down the block" from finding a cure for
human-induced cancer in laboratory rats. At a press conference, an experimental
spokesrat made a noise that sounded like "whoopee".
> Proposed new warning to be displayed on gasoline pumps; "If you
continuously inhale these fumes, the gene pool is better off without you,
> The president today apologized to cows, citing "centuries of
inappropriate human behavior" and called for a national day of atonement.
He also noted that, while animals have no rights under law in America, they can,
however, inherit huge sums of money.
> The trend of supplying rich people's pets with organs from condemned
shelter animals is just a symptom of animal elitism. Will it lead to a mongrel
revolution? Stay tuned.
> "Marcelle", the veteran Poodle actor, won an Oscar for his
dramatic portrayal of an alcoholic Saint Bernard in "Avalanche!"
> A hot issue in the presidential campaign is whether or not dog-houses
should be bigger, i.e., as proportional to the dog's size as human houses are to
their occupants. Also, the Republicans' suggestion that squirrels should be
branded with zip codes has been received coolly in the Midwest.
New job opportunities: Golf caddies (dogs,
donkeys). Toll-takers (parrots). Of course monkeys can perform any job, but they
have the unfortunate reputation of not taking anything seriously.
- - - - -
> Hot Songs: "Got a Lot Of Sniffin'
> Gift Ideas: ARF! "cologne for discriminating dogs" by Chanel /
also for dogs; Whitman Sampler's new assortment of individually wrapped cat
> On a cat Cooking-show: "First you take the ground mouse, add just a
pinch of powdered spider (to taste), and top it off with a bird eyeball for a
festive holiday treat!
an infinite # of monkeys at an infinite # of typewriters (keyboards), the saying
goes, and one will type Shakespeare. Well guess what, one did - his name was
Shakespeare! It is in that spirit that I publish this list of words emitted by
my companion animals (cats, unless otherwise indicated). Sound & fury,
signifying nothing? All depends on your point of view.
Cow / Now / Wow
Cracker barrel (twice)
Cacophony (followed by a hairball)
(by my dog - she belched it)
Ungowa (from Tarzan movies)
Harry Who ?
How are you?
Reparation (a demand?)
I have inadvertently said while sneezing: Bitchfoot /
How do you know if you're an "animal person" ? A: 1.) If you remember
your friends' pets' names, but not their children's. 2.) If you catch bugs in
the house and release them outside 3.) If a cat falls asleep on your lap, and
you stay put just to accommodate him.
Q: why so few men in the animal rights movement? A: Men are less empathic than
women, and are afraid to rock the macho boat (your loss, guys).
Q: I think I might want a cat, what do they do ? A. Eat, sleep, poop, run
around, - a lot like you, but much less convoluted.
Q: Do humans think ? A: I'm not qualified to answer that - I'm human.
Q: Which is worse, to value animals over people, or things over animals ? A: It
depends how you define "worse"
Q. I think there's a homeless person living behind the walls in my house. I
sometimes hear him singing at night. They're dirty and spread disease, and I
wont have it! Any advice? A. Well, he isn't homeless now, is he? You could try
poison, but if you have children or pets, it's better to play it safe with the
spring loaded neck-breaker or a glue trap. Of course you could use a
"humane" trap and then release him in another part of town. Good Luck.
IN THE ARTS
animal related albums; Listen to the Animals, Listen to the Wind, by Bill Van
Noter / Expressing, by Jim Harris / Tame Yourself, a compilation put out by PeTA
Favorite animal songs: Let the animals live, by Paul Nahay, from a compilation
album put out by the now-defunct "Musicians for Animals" organization.
website for more info on this great song. / Wind on the Water, Crosby,
Stills & Nash / Old Brown Dog by Ralph McTell
Favorite animal fiction: Watership Down, by Richard Adams / Any of the "Cat.."books
by Cleveland Amory
Favorite animal films : Babe / many Disney flicks, from Dumbo to The Lion King /
Bless the Beasts & Children (when I asked for it at the video store, the
clerk thought i said "Blast the beasts..." - sign of the times, eh?)
> Favorite anti-violence songs: Bungalo Bill, Happiness is a Warm Gun, The
Word, All You Need is Love (The Beatles)
The first time I saw a whale, it glided silently under our boat like a green
& gray glowing ghost
> Peppy, the dog next door, tried so hard to give me her paw even though she
was crippled with arthritis
> I actually heard a traffic report state that there was "animal
debris" on the road where a deer had been hit
> I once heard an animal experimenter say, "We collect the hearts of all
- - -
" Biggie", my 50-cent lizzard got a big lump on his neck, so I made an
appointment with the vet who was curator of reptiles at the zoo. It was a long
ride and I arrived late. The vet was already annoyed, and when he saw Biggie, he
was furious. "We feed these to our lizzards", he said. He could give
me no curative information, and still charged me twenty (1972) dollars for the
visit. I think that kind of snobbery has no place in the healing profession - or
- - -
I met a poor young man in a beat-up car who told me that he carried his
arthritic old dog through the park every day because the dog had loved this
place so much in his healthier years. It just so happened that this day, as he
was lifting him out of the car, the dog died in his arms. The man wept quietly.
I felt stunned, and all I could mumble was "I'm sorry". As I drove
away, I thought to myself, "with all your knowledge of animal rights
philosophy, couldn't you have come up with something a little more
profound?". But that was just about my stupid pride. The dog was not a
philosophical or political statement to that man, it was his friend
- - -
We went to the Baltimore Aquarium to stage a surprise demonstration. Three of us
were to find the underground window to the dolphins' tank and summon them (by
stroking combs with our thumbs) just as the show was beginning. Then, our
comrades in the audience upstairs would stand and unfurl banners protesting
captive marine mammals.
We slipped downstairs, our heads full of plans, times, and escape routes, and
gave the required signal. Silence, hearts pounding, straining to see through the
tons of water. Then three dots appeared, getting larger, closer, swiftly gliding
right up to the other side of the glass. The phrase, "Oh my God"
rolled over & over in my head. We three "commandos" stood
transfixed in wide-eyed, open-mouthed wonder, tears streaming down our faces.
Then, after a long, electric moment, one of us (I don't know who), said , in a
soft, quivering voice, ". . .Hi".
The muffled sounds of tumult wafted down from above, then the closer sounds of
hurried footsteps in the bare concrete corridors. Uniformed guards burst in
noisily through the double fire-doors. We never budged. The guards led us out
like zombies, our heads turning to keep from breaking eye contact with the
magnificent creatures until the last possible moment.
We were dumped outside, where our upstairs counterparts were angrily trading
insults with the exiting patrons (the show was abruptly canceled), but I felt no
anger, no pain, no logical thoughts at all. I felt like I had just had a
religious, overpowering, humbling experience. The whole three hour ride home in
the van, the others were pumped and preachin' to the choir. I never said (or
heard) a word. Years later, I still haven't completely digested that moment at
the glass. It haunts me. I'm grateful to have been there
Boring (& gross) but true: All through my teens and early twenties, I
suffered from severe colitis. Nothing doctors prescribed helped. When I finally
woke up and stopped eating meat (for other than health reasons), within a week
the attacks of severe pain ceased and have never returned. Can I get a
> New promotional gimmicks from the flagging meat industry; Theme song,
" I don't care what they say, I won't stay in a world without meat" /
Pork hunts (ala Easter egg hunts)
> When you eat animals, you dream their dreams
> Make yourself a safehouse, not a slaughterhouse
> I'm a volutary vegetarian. Some humans are voluntary carnivores
Upon learning that I was a vegetarian, a waitress once said to me, "I
didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables", to
which I (wish I had) replied, "Well I did. I didn't claw my way to the top
to keep on clawing". I think that winning the war frees you from the burden
of further harming your adversaries. To be noble in victory flies in the face of
"might makes right" (Another possible retort - "you didn't do any
clawing, some hairy cave person did")
> When I'm at a protest, and some passerby yells at me to "get a
life", I shout back, "get a conscience" (thanks to Diane for that
> You don't need to be informed to have a opinion about God, why should I
need to be informed to have an opinion about animals? I know what I feel
> Oh no! I've been accused of liking animals better than people. Listen, I
like pocket lint better than people. Call the thought police!
"C'mon, doesn't a juicy steak make your mouth water?" "No, it
makes my heart break"
> When someone yells an insult at you, smile, yell, "Thanks", and
give the thumbs up. It pisses them off and makes others think you got a
YOU CAN DO
Go Vegetarian : This is by far the most influential thing you can do for
animals.If your worried about nutrition ( I'm not), you can research the topic
on the internet. The more people turn veggie, the more industry will offer
viable alternatives to meat
> You artists out there - write a song, or write a screenplay, etc., dealing
with animal issues. It is an exciting, fertile, untapped source of material for
artists in all media
> Write letters to your local newspapers defending animals and explaing why
you support animal rights
> Learn about the issues, visit these web sites;
The Fund for Animals
The Humane Society of the United
PETA >> People for the
Ethical Treatment of Animals
> Learn about the history of animal advocacy at
As an animal, I'm a citizen of the world
> Animal rights is about saving souls - ours
> King Kong died for our sins. (think about it, man)
> In a world without people, would animals have rights ?
> Roaches are not God, but grow towards God (just as we humans do)
> I've learned to take animals at "face value". I trust what I see
when I look in their eyes.
> The opposite of the "Bambi" syndrome is the "I wish I was an
Oscar Meyer weiner" syndrome
> We must never let a philosophy outweigh our compassion for any individual
creature (isn't that a philosophy?)
> Would Americans give up their cars (or their guns) to save human lives? No
- freedom is more important. Yet they expect animals to give up their freedom
(and their lives) to (maybe) save human lives
> When I speak against animal testing, people say (sarcastically), "Well
why don't you volunteer then?", which only emphasize the point that
no one in their right mind who had a choice would volunteer for such lunacy
> I find that many people believe in the need for medical testing on animals,
and don't find it morally offensive. All I say is, let us also investigate
non-animal alternatives. I have complete faith that someday they will eliminate
the "need" for animal sacrifices
> The philosophy of animal research seems to be "Do unto others what you
don't want done unto you"
> In general, I believe, people don't want to know about all of the suffering
that goes on in the world. It's too much to deal with. However, if you see
suffering and are not moved by it, then you are not just different from me,
you're a different creature altogether. I believe that animal rights is about
the struggle for predominance of those two branches of Homo Sapiens
> I am an Idealist. I don't believe in sacrificing anyone for anyone - ever.
I think that nature has shown us that we as a specie can
everything we need or want without harming others. A true measure of our
goodness is not what we will do to survive, but rather what we won't do. This,
coupled with a hope for the immortality of all souls, is what I tried to write
about in my song, "A
A principle that works for me is "Equal consideration for eaqual
interests". For example, a lion does not need to be considered for many of
the rights that people have (education, voting, etc.), but where their interests
are equal to ours (freedom, living space, etc.), they deserve equal
consideration. See my lyrics to "Just
> I think that any religion that doesn't respect animals is incomplete. They
are more truly God's creatures than we are
> Almost everyone loves at least one animal. It isn't love that we need to
teach, but consistency / equity
Fresh Food or Flesh Food?
> Stop and smell the Animals
> Choose Life - Go Vegetarian
> Save the planet, and the people will take care of themselves
WAR STORIES / TIPS
Don't wear those birthday-present leather shoes at an animal rights
demonstration. It's amazing how passersby will scrutinize you for any signs of
animal products, as if proving you a hypocrite will somehow invalidate your
cause ( and thus also free them of any possible guilt). I call this the "J.
Edgar Hoover" syndrome
> Upcoming stories ; Anti-fur santas / The Jesus guy / The pigeon shoot / The
Harrisburg sport show / Lunatics I have met in the animal rights movement
The journey to Godhood is not uniquely human
> Animal Rights will take us (kicking & screaming) to the next level of
> Evolution is about building ships (arks?) to carry higher consciousness
> In an ideal world, people would not have pets, but we have to play with the
hand we're dealt
> One of the most irksome things to me is our lack of consistancy in our
dealings with animals. We may love a dog, yet eat or wear a cow (or vice-versa)
> When humans warehouse live animals, kill them & eat them, that's
"normal", but if a mouse should find its way into your house looking
for a crust of bread, that's somehow wrong
you're like me, you've had a tough time reconciling religion with respect for
animals. Check out
, an interesting site "dedicated to cruelty-free living through a
vegetarian/vegan lifestyle according to Judeo-Christian ethics"
> What if I had nothing to put in "what if"?
> What if the leading -lady part in South Pacific had been played by a cat ?
Can you imagine that man singing "Some Enchanted Evening" into a cat's
face from 4 inches away ? Wow.
> What if medical students had to practice their surgical techniques on
unrestrained, unsedated Bengal tigers ? Yee-ha!
SEPARATES US FROM THE ANIMALS
> Only humans need laws
> Humans are always horny
> Ego - massive, not passive
> Paperwork (write that down)
> We can willfully make all of creation happy
> We believe in magic. We look beyond this life
> Our bodies are"temples", theirs are "McNuggets"
> The same thing that separates us from each other (and from God)
> In general I think animals are just humans without all the detours (some
would say that God is in the detours). Humans create obstacles for themselves
which they then pat themselves on the back for overcoming. We love to make a
short story long. Only humans can think themselves happy or sad without relation
to empirical reality
. . . and What Doesn't
> You know how our emotions are heightened when we're moving in a car (
e.g.,music, anger, etc,). I think it's the same cursive trait that whips hunting
canines into a frenzy
Doctor Gerhard Schvendt spent 16 years releasing store-bought tomatoes in the
wild, keeping meticulous notes and measurements of their movements, before
concluding that they were indeed not animals (although he did keep several of
his favorites as pets). He personified the great scientific principle of
"Never Assume Anything"
> The brilliant sociologist Leopold Gleeep froze a group of ants for seven
years, then thawed them out to see how they would relate to "today's"
ants. From his notes; "Moments after releasing the test group into the
colony, I lost track of which group was which - they all looked the same. It
really didn't matter anyway, because all any of them did was just run around.
Run, run, run. I grow profoundly tired. The world is a Great Enigma."
> Professor Judas Bilk devised an experiment in which he would offer a
restrained dog a biscuit and then yank it away at the last moment. He
successfully completed the maneuver 12,073 times - the dog never caught on. On
the 12,074th try, however, the professor suffered a massive stroke, after which
he could only mumble "Welcome to Hawaii" in a fake Swedish accent. He
had hoped to prove that dogs lacked the ability to recognize even rudimentary
practical jokes, and were thus unfit subjects for whoopee cushions and the like.
Dr. Thomas Flenk (Harvard, !933), however, concluded just the opposite; That
dogs made.. "Perfect suckers". He was tragically mauled while trying
to use a "hand buzzer" on a Saint Bernard
> Dr. Brandu Vavavavoomba experimented with many types of animals before
discovering that the the brains of flattened possums could be used to power
hand-held calculators. This news was met with great joyous parades in the
streets of Calcutta
> Whenever I smoke, drink, or take drugs, I think, "Thank God they
tested this on animals. Now I can really push the envelope."