1. Most people can't
pronounce it.
2. People who've heard you're a vegan expect you to be really thin
when they meet you.
3. People expect you to be out to convert
them.
4. Vinyl shoes are hot, and canvas shoes don't go well with formal
wear.
5. Reading small print on labels makes your eyes hurt.
6. Sometimes when you're watching people eat meat, you get kind of
queasy.
7. People think you're abusing your child.
8. You go to dinner at someone's house. First they try to feed you
fish, figuring somehow that fish is a vegetable. When that's politely
turned down, they offer you the potatoes smothered in cheese and sour
cream.
9. Your office parties are catered by Piggie Park (an actual
barbeque place in S.C.).
10. You find the perfect blouse to go with your new skirt, only to
read the label and find out it's silk!
11. When you tell someone that you're a vegan, they tell you that
they really want to eat healthier and then go into all the reasons why it's hard and they can't. But you weren't interested in
having the conversation go that direction, and you can't seem to get
them to get off it.
12. The people you meet in health food stores are overly friendly. You
can spend a lot of time there in fascinating conversation...making the
shopping trip take far too long.
13.
The lunch you bring to work becomes the topic of conversation...EVERY
DAY!
14. Others feel driven to point out that vegetables are alive too!
15. Waiters will not be happy to see you.
16. People will never believe in their hearts (no matter how often
you tell them) that you eat this way all the time, even at home. (After
all, you can't live without meat, can you?)
17. Because
when you say you're veg, people always scream, "But the cows would take
over the earth if we didn't eat them!"
18. Because my economy teacher said, "It is obvious that a
plant-based diet is good for health and the environment, but the economy
would suffer greatly and people would lose their jobs if everyone
stopped eating meat."
19. Because my uncle tells me, "If we didn't hunt, more deer would
die from starvation, and anyone who thinks differently is IGNORANT."
20. Some vegans hate my fake leather (although I don't object to all
the fake pain required to produce it).
21. People assume you'll be offended by every little thing.
22. People assume I must be for anarchy -- and that they know what
all my political ideas are.
23. You must restrain
yourself from strangling your co-worker when he tells the "screaming
tomatoes" joke for the fifteenth time.
24. once you have mentioned that you are a vegan in polite
conversation, suddenly people back away from you the way they do when
avoiding the salvation army ladies. actually this isn't so bad if you're
trying to get onto the subway.
25. after hearing you're a vegan, people think you are some sort of
militant, scary fanatic who exudes ulterior motives in every sentence.
they don't seem to understand when you tell them you were like that
before you became a vegan...
26. If I hear
one more time that I am taking food away from the bunnies one
more time....
64. Someone you work with ACTUALLY SAYS (and, no, I'm not kidding),
"You can't be vegetarian and healthy." And while you're trying to get
over the shock of this statement, he adds, "Vegetarians eat too many
vegetables." (I had no idea there was such a thing.)
65. You are tired of hearing people say, "Vegetarians can't possibly
get enough to eat," because then you have to assure them that your
Weight Watchers leader would be happy to tell them that we manage to do
just fine. :)
66. People assume that being vegetarian means you don't do anything
unhealthy, like eat chocolate or drink, so when you do those things,
they act all shocked. (But nobody's shocked when your meat eating friend
smokes...Hmmmm...)
67. People you eat out with get exasperated when you try to determine
what exactly is in the food you are ordering. (If it were an allergy, it
would be fine, but since it's a choice, it's weird.)
68. When you have the gall to ask if people coming to a potluck at
your house could leave the meat at their homes since you haven't had
meat in your home in over a year, they actually make fun of you. Even
though you promised to supply a very yummy pasta dish that they would
all love. (Yes, actually made fun. How rude.)
69. You are tired of your vegetarian lifestyle being the big topic of
conversation at EVERY business dinner you ever attend.
70. When the client you are working for hears you are vegetarian, he
says,"Oh, what about your husband. Is he normal?"
71. When the neighbor found out you were vegetarian after inviting
you to a barbecue, he now thinks it's funny to announce to you every
time he's cooking some sort of steak, roast, lamb, or ribs for his
family.
72. Your grandmother, after hearing you are a vegetarian, (1) tries
to sneak some lamb into your food, because she knows that if you just
tasted it, you'd realize meat was okay, (2) sends you her heirloom mink
coat because she wants to convince you that using animals for our own
purposes is okay, (3) decides that because you buy only cosmetics not
tested on animals that you hold monkeys in higher regard than humans.
(Don't ask me. It's all Grandma Logic (TM), which I have never
understood.)
73. People just don't understand that caring for animals doesn't mean
you think they're more important than humans, just that they are AS
important.
The following was contributed by Charlie:
74. It is
really annoying when you get done with The Lord of the Flies and
your English teacher says he doesn't know how they lived for so long
without meat.
The following were contributed by Darcy:
75. When using
a search engine for vegetarian recipes, you come across sites for
homemade.. SAUSAGE!!!
76. Your carnivorous child comes home from a week with grandma,
smiling fiendishly and carrying a large bag of ..STEAKS!!
77.Having my grandmother call me long distance from her deathbed,
asking me to please eat..MEATLOAF!!
78. Going out to dinner with your children and have them shout in
chorus to the waiter "Mom is a vegetarian"
79. Being introduced to your children's friends (by your children) as
"This is my mom, she is a vegetarian and she doesn't play video games"
although I think the kids are more shocked by my not playing videos.
80. Having my youngest ask me if I want his vegetables.
The following were contributed by Hvnlystarz:
81. when
i tell someone that i don't eat anything with a face and they
sarcastically reply "well potatoes have eyes and lettuce has a head."
82.the ever popular question "well what DO you eat?" and then i go
off on all the yummy foods i eat and they look at me like they feel
sorry that i have to resort to tofu (i love tofu!)
83. it never fails that guys always get offended that you don't eat
meat if you are a girl and try to tell you that you are malnourished-
and if you are a guyvegan then you must be gay
84. that cows like to be milked (would YOU liked to be milked by a
different species and separated from your young after they are born?)
85. the constant quizzing of what you do and do not eat--as though
these people that just found out you are vegan are going to somehow find
a loop hole where you actually aren't and you just didn't know it.
The following was submitted by Alia:
86. One of the
most irritating comments addressed to me is "isn't it cruel not to milk
the cows, though?"
The following was contributed by Cat:
87. Tofu "egg
salad" is a poor substitute. And after 12 years of being vegan I still
crave egg salad. I know it's crazy, but I can't help it. I sit there and
think well I'll cheat just this once. Who's going to know? Then of
course I shlep off to the tofu section one more time.
The following were contributed by Bob:
88. My cats
refuse to give up meat or milk.
89. Fast food is rarely an option.
90. I'm quickly outgrowing the leather jacket I bought before I
became vegan,and dread having to replace it.
91. My French teacher forces the class to watch videos of the Paris
marketplaces. I sense that this is a good time to ask to use the
restroom....
The following were submitted by Chandra:
92. The
vegetarian option at the restaurant is a grilled cheese sandwich,
grilled on the same grill they're grilling the burgers & steaks on.
93. Relatives who bring Kentucky Fried Chicken over when I invite
them over for a meal.
94. Always having to answer "Why don't you eat meat?" In spite of all
the reasons I could cite, the truth is that I just don't want to, and I
shouldn't have to justify it every day of my life.
95. Being told "You can pick the meat off." In exasperation, I once
replied,"Well, for me that would be the same as if I crapped on your
food and told you you could just pick it off. Would you?"
The following were contributed by Ajudge:
96. You think
that you are the last of the unicorns, and your heart flutters whenever
someone says the word "vegan". You think, "Maybe there are others out
there..."
97. You are afraid to give any bad impressions, because everyone you
meet will tell somebody else, "I met a vegan once. She seemed weary and
unhappy to me." They'll conveniently forget that you just ran two blocks
to catch a school bus that left early.
98. I occasionally meet people who "used to be vegetarian" but
"outgrew it" (ie. began to find it inconvenient).
99. I've come to realize that just because someone claims to be a
vegetarian doesn't mean that they actually are. They just eat a lot of
vegetables, and somehow don't associate chicken and fish with "meat".
100. You meet a vegetarian who is insincere or instable and realize
they are falsely representing "your kind" to all that they meet.
101. When people tell you that they are "nearly vegetarian" you know
that you are about to sit through a number of dishes and/or edible
products that they love, and can't name half the ingredients in.
102. You feel like you should have a memorized index of recipes,
environmental statistics and health facts to draw on in every
conversation. How many omnivores get asked what their typical meals are?
And how many of them are quizzed on their balance of nutrients or eating
ethics?
103. You are expected to be an authority on all types of health
concerns and special diet restrictions. "Oh, you're a strict vegetarian.
Do you know what causes acne?" or "What can I give my celiac and lactose
intolerant daughter to snack on?" Hey, I'd love to have all the answers,
but alas, I do not (yet).
The following were submitted by Jennifer:
104. The way
my grandpa always asks "So when are you eating meat again?"
105. The fact I'm 14 and already worried about my future mate's
eating habits.
106. Asking my mom "What's for dinner?" and having her answer "We're
having steak. What are you having?"
107. The fact I spend twice as much time defending my diet than
eating it.
108. The way I spend hours defending my diet, but if I'm invited to
have dinner at a diet debater's house, they forget to tell the cook, so
it's another night of rolls and salad.
109. The way my friends roll their eyes when I whip out "The List",
My list of animal derived products.
110. Actual conversation: Friend: why don't you just eat meat? Me:
"Animals are our friends, and I don't eat my friends" (*That's George
Bernard Shaw, folks) You can't say you're a friend of animals and then
eat a hamburger. Friend: Well, plants give us oxygen. So if you eat
plants, that must mean you don't like to breathe. No sarcastic comment
necessary.
111. The only semi-plausible reason to eat meat the carnivores have
come up with (Because Yes, I get enough protein and No, I am not going
to die) is because it "Tastes good" (tastes like murder, and they do
make fake meat) By that logic, I should be able to rob them; it's fun. A
little selfish, to say the least.
112. The fact it may occur to those slow-witted carnivores to sing:
"Oh, I wish you'd eat an Oscar Meyer wiener..."
The following were contributed by Elizabeth
113. It
would be easier to announce that you were gay or had abandoned religion
than to refuse meat.
114. Your family insists upon calling Gardenburgers "Stinkyburgers"
115. In order to keep from ingesting meat, it becomes necessary to
hide it in your socks at mealtimes. (True!)
116. All sorts of ignorant people insist it is impossible to lead a
healthy, productive life without consuming meat products even when they
know that people like billionaire and Apple cofounder Steve Jobs are
vegan.
117. Your friends introduce you as a vegetarian sometimes before your
name is even mentioned.
118. Your employer has Chik-Fil-A cater lunch for everyone and can't
understand why you didn't "just eat it this once" instead of taking a
break to get real food.
119. The inhabitants of this world will never be equipped to accept
people with unpopular lifestyles.
The following were contributed by emily:
120. All of
the girls in your gym class make it a daily ritual to sing the Spam song
in the locker room. "I like bread and butter...Hey, Emily, why aren't
you singing?
121. You wish that Dairy Queen sold Toffuti.
122. People in your church (or mosque, synagogue, temple, etc.) tell
you that "God told us to eat meat."
123. The only other vegetarian present eats gelatin and products that
contain it. (Eewww!)
The following were contributed by Simone:
124.
When your mother stares strangely at your bowl of fruit because you
declined her offer to pour milk over it.
125. When she then goes on her rampage about how horrible soymilk and
rice milk tasted to her. I repeatedly tell her that no one is forcing
her to drink soy milk. I didn't like it at first either but now I love
it.
126. When every meal ends with some joke about the meal we ate
because I was there. Comments like "MMM that was good 'vegetarian'
spaghetti!"
127. When your mother says "people who eat only plant foods die!"
Gee! At that rate I should have been dead months ago instead of alive
and healthier as I am today!
128. When your stomach growls at the table and your brother-inn-law
(who is a hunter! we won't even get into that!) says your stomach is
telling you that it needs some chicken in it.
130. When the same people ask you "when will you start eating meat
again?" each and every time you see them. Their mouths always drop when
you tell them "NEVER!"
The following are personal experiences of Peter Nagy, Slovak
Republic:
131. BEFORE YOU SWITCH TO VEGAN, YOU SHOULD:
- Learn to explain clearly to waiters what do you want. Then learn
to reject politely what they bring to you. Then learn to cook.
- Pick some of your friends you will give your old (even vegetarian)
cookbooks.
- Study eastern philosophy, animal rights, agriculture and medicine.
You will need it in your future conversation.
132. For the
sake of not to feel offended or bored with the same questions and jokes,
learn to give surprising answers to the question of why you are vegan:
- "It was my grandmother's last wish on her death-bed."
- "All people are vegan. Some just eat animal products still."
- "I want to get into Guinness' Records Book with the lowest
cholesterol level."
- "My doc advised me to eat this diet in order to live with this
bottle of vodka and 60 cigarettes daily, you know."
- "I tried to force my dog not to beg at every meal. And I got used
to this diet."
The following were sent in by Caroline:
133. Business
lunches and dinners are hell because:
- 8 to 12 people become completely silent and stare at you when it's
your turn to order because they want to hear just what it is you've
found to eat.
- There isn't any room left on the wait person's order form for
anyone else's order because of all the special handling and
description your order required.
- When the food arrives, eight to 12 people become simultaneously
shifty-eyed to try to see what you're getting (without appearing to
look like they're trying to see what you're getting).
The following were contributed by Beverly:
134. Because
when you tell them you are a vegan in a hospital they will bring you
turkey and say, "Some vegetarians eat turkey."
135. Because when you are in the hospital some idiot "nutritionist"
will come and badger you about the way you eat, quoting nonsense from
the first edition of Diet for a Small Planet.
136. Because throwing "food" out of your hospital room's door when
they bring you bacon and eggs for breakfast upsets the staff. (True,
after the third time I told them NO ANIMAL PRODUCTS.)
137. Because you can't stand telling one more person that Jell-O is
an animal product and having them say, "Oh no it's not."
The following were submitted by Alec:
138. you hear
about once or twice a night from your mother "You're on your own...I'll
support a vegetarian diet happily but not vegan. You guys are
extremists."
139. theres no time left before the bus comes so you grab an apple or
a bag of chips and when you are seen eating them you get comments such
as "THAT'S why I could never be vegan....look what shes eating" or "I'd
offer you some of my lunch but...."
140. your friend who happily turned vegetarian with you now thinks
you are crazy.
141. having to go to friends' houses later at night and eating so
much food that you will be able to survive until you leave the next day.
142. proudly advertising that you are vegan in ways such as wearing
pins on your backpack and then having to listen to people read them
"silently" to themselves then comment "in hushed voices" about what they
think.
143. you get such bizare questions and comments that are in some
nature sticking up for meat/dairy/egg eating and being so baffled that
you can't think of anything to say in return except "huh" at which point
they think they have won the debate.
144. having resorted to carrying around a list of why I am vegan and
common questions with answers so that if anyone asks me anything
involving my diet choice I can just hand it to them then casually ask
them when they are done if there are any points that they find unclear.
145. having teachers announce that there will be a treat if you do
______when you know the "treat" will be ice cream or something of that
nature. especially when it ends up that the class will be getting the
treat while you get to sit and watch them stuff their mouths.
146. the real meaning when you hear someone say....
- my parents won't let me= i'm not motivated enough
- it tastes good= i don't care about anyone but me me and only me
- it's unhealthy= this is what my parents have told me
- i tried it but i got real sick= (used about the vegetarian diet)
they ate only dairy
- i could never give up my meat let alone dairy!= see it tastes good
147. excitedly scanning a yummy looking snack.....excitement
growing...then at the very bottom of the ingredients seeing "may contain
2% or less of whey."
