Great News for Cheese and Ice Cream Eaters"Overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!" - Jay Leno

I would never have logically surmised the outcome of a new study by its design. In fairness to the other side (dairy lovers), I've got to report 'em as I see 'em, even if the truth hurts, and in this case, I may become the butt of dairymen's future jokes for honestly reporting something in their favor.

I found today's study in the British Medical Journal (BMJ 2009;339:b3292, 3 September 2009)

A group of British researchers have determined that there is a correlation between thigh circumference and the risk of heart disease and premature death.

One would assume that obese folk with fat thighs will get heart disease more often that skinny folk, right? Wrong!

It's just the opposite, so, the more ice cream one eats, the fatter one's thighs will get, and according to the Brits, the fat and obese will become heart attack proof!

Scientists examined the thighs of 1436 men and 1380 women participating in the Danish MONICA project. They then followed up by monitoring all heart events and deaths 12.5 years after the initial measurements were made.

The results? The authors of the study wrote:

"A small thigh circumference was associated with an increased risk of cardiovascular and coronary heart diseases and total mortality in both men and women. A threshold effect for thigh circumference was evident, with greatly increased risk of premature death below around 60 cm. Above the threshold there seemed to be no additional benefit of having larger thighs in either sex."

Conclusion? The author's wrote:

"A low thigh circumference seems to be associated with an increased risk of developing heart disease or premature death. The adverse effects of small thighs might be related to too little muscle mass in the region. The measure of thigh circumference might be a relevant anthropometric measure to help general practitioners in early identification of individuals at an increased risk of premature morbidity and mortality."

So, if you're concerned about heart disease, eat ice cream, butter, and cheese, and you'll simultaneously develop fat thighs and cardiovascular protection in no time! You may even get to buy an entirely new wardrobe. Where is Omar the tentmaker? So, take my advice, all of you plump pudgies. Here's justification for breaking your next New Year's resolution. Diet? Who needs a diet! Pump iron? Head for Dairy Queen and pump milkshakes. Head for Pizza Hut and pump down a pie with extra cheese and two greasy toppings, preferably sausage and bacon. It's time for a totally new makeover, and that includes Spandex for the dairy inspired mega-monster thighs.

Robert Cohen http://www.notmilk. com