See how well you score!
(If anybody gets all 25 questions correct, you win and I will send you FREE advice. I'll even pay the shipping.
1) Normal cows become Mad Cows after:
a) Their mothers force them to drink three glasses of human breast milk each day.
b) They view the disturbing cow-abuse videos which resulted in the February 17, 2008 recall of 143 million-pounds of ground-up body parts processed by the Westland/Hallmark Meat company.
c) They are injected with genetically engineered hormones that swell their udders to painful proportions which require three milkings per day.
d) They are fed blood meal, bone meal, and flesh from their relatives.
2) At the first sign of heat treatment (pasteurization) , many bacteria in milk:
a) Begin to gag, then lose the contents of their tiny bacterial pouches, secreting their body wastes and toxins into the milk.
b) Perspire nano-liters of sweat before dying, their lifeless bodies drowning and adding subtle flavors to the milk.
c) Begin a mating ritual that would even embarrass that tough Southern Baptist Harvard-trained lawyer named Silda Spitzer, who by now has heard just about every excuse known to (a) man.
d) Form spores. Spore is a Greek word for seed. When the milk cools, spores re-emerge into their original bacterial forms.
3) The most powerful growth hormone produced in a cow's body (and found in cow's milk) is identical to the most powerful growth hormone in the human body. That hormone is called IGF. IGF stands for:
a) I've Got Flatulence
b) Idiots Grow Fat
c) Icelandic Gouda's Fabulous
d) Insulin-like Growth Factor
4) The Lancet, Journal of Cellular Physiology, and European Journal of Cancer have all identified IGF as:
a) A food supplement that removes wrinkles, freckles, cellulite, zits, and elevates I.Q. points.
b) The most powerful aphrodisiac found in food.
c) The thick mucous-like substance in cow's milk proteins responsible for the profitability of the Charmin toilet paper company.
d) The key factor in the growth and proliferation of breast, prostate, and lung cancers.
5) Milk contains somatic cells, which are dead red and white blood cells. Another name for somatic cells is "pus cells." America's Food and Drug Administration sets the legal standard for the allowable number of pus cells that can be sold in milk. One liter of American milk may contain no more than:
a) 75 pus cells
b) 75 hundred pus cells
c) 75 thousand pus cells
d) 750 million pus cells
6) A leading diabetes journal (Diabetes Care) wrote the following in 1974: "More than 20 well-documented studies have prompted one researcher to say the link between milk and juvenile diabetes is 'very solid." The dairy industry's response was to:
a) Design a chocolate milk mustache advertisement that used Rugrats, children's cartoon characters to promote milk drinking for infants.
b) Design milk ads using Pokemon characters and Kermit the Frog to promote the consumption of milk for young children.
c) Neither A nor B
d) Both A and B
7) The Chief of Pediatrics at Johns Hopkins Medical School (Frank Oski) and America's most famous pediatrician, Benjamin Spock, agreed upon this treatment for childhood ear infections:
a) Both physicians studied at the French Institute of Van Goghzia, and agreed that surgical removal of the ear would
effectively eliminate ear infections.
b) Both physicians recommended that the child spend one round sparring with Mike Tyson.
c) Both physicians agreed that ritalin, valium, and a continuous diet of Benadryl and other anti-histamines would be an
appropriate therapy to treat chronic ear infections.
d) Both physicians recommended a protocol in which all milk and dairy products should be eliminated from the diets of all children.
8)Saturated bovine fat contained in milk, cheese, ice cream and other dairy products:
a) Is necessary for human brain development, cognitive functioning, and become precursors for neural transmitting substances.
b) Is a vital component of human synnovial fluid that lubricates the joints.
c) Have been identified as the key factors in "getting the juices going."
d) Have been identified as the single-most causative factor of America's obesity epidemic, and the link to heart disease
being America's number-one killer.
9)Cows treated with the genetically engineered bovine growth hormones produce milk that has been proven to:
a) Result in more snaps, crackles, and pops per standard bowl of Rice Krispies.
b) Be identical to naturally occurring milk.
c) Promote weight loss, reduce flatulence, and eliminate cellulite.
d) Result in an increase of insulin-like growth factor, a hormone identified as the key role player in fueling the growth
of human breast cancer, prostate cancer, lung cancer, and colon cancer.
10) An epidemiological study of mortality rates in 24 nations found that consumption of these foods resulted in the highest correlation coefficient to heart disease:
a) Fresh vegetables, particularly broccoli and rutabaga.
b) Beans, beans, NOT good for the hearty, the more you eat, the worse for the artery.
c) Whole wheat berries and barley (these large uncooked grains get stuck in arteries causing coronary thrombosis.
d) Milk and dairy products.
11) The Journal of Pediatrics revealed that cow's milk proteins can cause blood loss from the intestinal tract, reduce the body's supply of iron and cause anemia. The recommended therapy:
a) Add powdered iron filings to your next bowl of cereal with soy milk.
b) Bite the bullet.
a) Drink a twelve-ounce glass of human breast milk with your cookies.
b) Avoid all cow's milk and dairy products.
12) According to the New England Journal of Medicine, "Chronic diarrhea is the most common gastrointestinal
symptom of intolerance of cow's milk among children." As a parent, what is the best method of eliminating this
a) Eliminate the source. Sell your children to the next band of gypsies moving through your neighborhood.
b) Save cork stoppers from champagne bottles, and use `em when they're needed!
c) When the condition occurs, add one cup of corn starch to three tablespoons of prune juice, stir well, and use a number seven syringe to inject the paste directly into your child's stomach cavity.
d) Eliminate all milk and dairy products from your child's diet.
13) Should milk consumers worry about harmful bacterial infections resulting from milk and dairy consumption?
Which statement(s) is/are true?
a) According to the Journal of Dairy Science, butter readily supports growth of salmonella at room temperature, but
refrigeration or freezing for brief periods does not eliminate it. Salmonella can remain viable in
butter for up to 9 months.
b) According to the New England Journal of Medicine, listeria organisms excreted in cow's milk "escape pasteurization,
grow well at refrigerator temperatures, and are ingested by consumers."
c) According to leading food journals, curing alone may not be a sufficient pathogen control step to eliminate Salmonella, listeria, and E. coli from cheese. A drop of sour milk may contain more than 50 million bacteria.
d) All of the above
14) Lactose intolerance affects 75% of the world's population. Symptoms include bloating, flatulence, abdominal pain and diarrhea. An effective cure for eliminating lactose intolerance is:
a) Having elective stomach-staple surgery, tying off your intestines, and satisfying future nutritional needs by intravenous
b) Investing your assets in a portfolio that includes the Pampers diaper company and Johnson's baby powder, buying a
year's supply of adult stay-dries, and drinking all the milk you want.
c) Taking an antidote, lactaid, so that you may tolerate the poison, milk.
d) Don't drink your milk.
15) The Townsend Medical Letter for Doctors said this about cow's milk:
a) Adult humans require cow's milk for optimum health. Adult cows need human milk for optimum health. Adult dogs
should drink pig's milk for optimum health. Adult pigs require aardvark milk for optimum health.
b) Cream cheese has been shown to be an effective decay preventative dentifrice that can be of significant
value when used in a conscientiously applied program of oral hygiene and regular professional care.
c) Cow's milk hormones, saturated fat, and cholesterol offer enormous benefit for young children. A diet of concentrated milk products (cheese, ice cream, and butter) will insure that our subscriber base remains healthy, as will the future cash
flow of physicians who read this newsletter.
d) Cow's milk has been linked to a variety of health problems, including: mucous production, hemoglobin loss,
childhood diabetes, heart disease, athersclerosis, arthritis, kidney stones, mood swings, depression, irritability, and allergies.
16) Nutritionists and food scientists agree: Humans need to eat protein. Eighty percent of milk protein is a substance called 'CASEIN.' When casein is isolated from milk, it can be used:
a) In the manufacturing process for plastic.
b) As a glue to hold together wood in furniture.
c) As an adhesive to attach a label to a beer bottle.
d) All of the above.
17) Please read the following statements carefully. Which ONE is NOT true?
a) Countries with the highest rates of osteoporosis, such as the United States, England, and Sweden, consume the most
milk. China and Japan, where people eat much less protein and dairy food, have low rates of osteoporosis.
b) Osteoporosis is caused by a number of things, one of the most important being too much dietary protein. Dietary protein increases production of acid in the blood which is neutralized by calcium mobilized from the skeleton. Increasing one's protein intake by 100% may cause calcium loss to double.
c) Data from the 12-year Harvard study of 78,000 women indicate that women consuming greater amounts of calcium
from dairy foods had significantly increased risks of hip fractures, while no increase in fracture risk was observed for the same levels of calcium from nondairy sources.
d) American women have been consuming an average of two pounds of milk per day for their entire lives, yet thirty
million American women have osteoporosis. Therefore, drinking milk prevents bone loss.
18) Dioxins are highly toxic by-products of industrial processes including chemical and municipal waste incineration. These compounds penetrate the environment via air, water and soil and are then incorporated in food chains. The level of dioxin in a single serving of the Ben & Jerry's World's Best Vanilla Ice Cream tested was almost 200 times greater than the safe daily dose determined by the Environmental Protection Agency. What did Ben Cohen of Ben & Jerry's fame have to say regarding dioxins?
a) "Our containers are environmentally friendly, and dioxin-free, so just dump the ice cream, and eat the container."
b) "I just had quadruple bypass heart surgery. Please put your question in writing, and I'll have my staff get back to you."
c) "We never realized you'd be supremely nuts to continue eating our Natural Nutty-Nuts Supreme Surprise."
d) Before the test): "The only safe level of dioxin exposure is no exposure at all." (After the test): "It's in the
19) Do pesticides end up in milk, cheese, and butter? Which one of the following statements is NOT accurate?
a) A 1988 FDA survey of milk samples from grocery stores in 10 cities found that 73% of the samples contained pesticide residues.
b) More than 2,200 samples of cow's milk were tested in India, and 85% of the samples contained pesticides levels
above human tolerance limits.
c) The pesticides chlordane and heptachlor cause cancer, harm the immune system and are endocrine disruptors. Dairy cattle in Oahu were fed pineapple leaves containing heptachlor residues. As a result, the local milk and dairy supply remained contaminated for years.
d) According to the National Fluid Milk Processors, no pesticide residues have ever been found in milk and dairy products.
20) Mycobacterium Paratuberculosis is:
a) The name of the Serbian general turned priest who won the 2001 Nobel Peace Prize by writing the award winning book, "When NATO Bombs Drop, Forget the Child, Save the Cow."
b) Something that your mate will not believe you caught from a toilet seat in a public restroom.
c) The polite thing to say to a Flemish dairy farmer who sneezes liters of phlegm.
d) A bacterium found in many of America's dairy herds and 100% of Crohn's disease patients. These bacteria are not destroyed by pasteurization, and cross the species barrier from cow to human.
21) Which of the following statements did NOT appear in the British medical journal Lancet?
a) Hypersensitivity to milk is implicated as a cause of sudden death in infancy.
b) Those infants who died of SIDS expressed inappropriate or inflammatory responses suggesting violent allergic reactions to a foreign protein. Lung tissue and cells showed responses similar to bronchial wall inflammation in asthma.
c) Those who consumed cows milk were fourteen times more likely to die from diarrhea-related complications and four
times more likely to die of pneumonia than were breast-fed babies. Intolerance and allergy to cow's milk products is a
factor in sudden infant death syndrome.
d) Children under the age of two years who consume more that one-pint of fortified brandy before going to bed are prone to sudden infant death.
22) On March 23, 1971, Secretary of the Treasury, John Connally said to President Richard Nixon (recorded on a Watergate tape): "These dairymen are organized, they're adamant, they're militant, and they're massing an enormous amount of money that they're going to put into political activities." What motivated Connally to make this statement?
a) Dairy reps had placed the severed head of a dairy cow in Nixon's bed, making him an offer he couldn't refuse.
b) Richard Nixon had just been presented with a compromising surveillance photo of JFK, RFK, and Marilyn Monroe sporting what appeared to be the dairy industry's first milk mustache ad.
c) President Nixon had just been given a $10 gift certificate to Dairy Queen from dairy industry representatives in
the Oval Office.
d) President Nixon had just been given a $3 million cash gift from dairy industry representatives in the Oval Office.
23) Children are taught in first grade that Vitamin D is the "sunshine vitamin." Vitamin D is a steroid hormone and is synthesized in one's body after skin is exposed to sunlight. Which statement about vitamin D is NOT true?
a) Adults need 10-15 minutes of sunlight, two or three times a week to ensure proper Vitamin D levels.
b) Vitamin D is toxic in overdose. Consuming as little as 45 micrograms of Vitamin D-3 in young children has resulted in signs of overdose. Testing of 10 samples of infant formula revealed seven with more that twice the Vitamin D content reported on the label, one of which had more than four times the label amount.
c) Vitamin D increases aluminum absorption, and high aluminum levels in the body may cause an Alzheimer's- like disease.
d) If boys and girls do not drink milk with Vitamin D added, when they turn 40, their bones will become brittle, and break, and they'll need hip replacement surgery.
24) What has NOT been identified as a cause of acne?
a) Acne occurs when steroids (androgens) stimulate the sebaceous glands within the skin's hair follicles. These glands
then secrete an oily substance called sebum. When sebum, bacteria and dead skin cells build up on skin, the pores become blocked, creating acne.
b) About 80 percent of cows that are giving milk are pregnant and are throwing off hormones continuously.
Progesterone breaks down into androgens, which have been implicated as factor in the development of acne. Hormones found in cow's milk include: Estradiol, Estriol, Progesterone, prolactin, and oxytocin.
c) The Journal of Endocrinology studied the effects of growth hormone (GH) and insulin-like growth factors (IGF-1),
alone and with androgen, on sebaceous epithelial cell growth. IGF-I was the most potent stimulus of DNA synthesis,
contributing to the increase in sebum production during puberty.
d) Acne is caused by frogs, sugar, snails, spice, puppy dog tails, and everything nice.
25) What is NOT true about the vegetarian NOTMILK lifestyle?
a) According to the Journal of the American Dietetic Association, there is a positive correlation between a vegetarian diet and reduced risk for obesity, coronary artery disease, hypertension, diabetes mellitus, and cancer.
b) According to the British Medical Journal, vegetarians often have lower mortality rates from several chronic degenerative diseases than do non-vegetarians. Significant athersclerosis is rare in peoples whose diet over the life span is predominantly vegetarian and low in calories, saturated fat, and cholesterol.
c) According to the Journal of the American Medical Association, vegetarian diets low in fat or saturated fat have been used successfully as part of comprehensive health programs to reverse severe coronary artery disease.
d) Vegans live an average of two decades less than meat-eaters and milk drinkers which is just fine with carnivores, who
are saved from having to listen to twenty or more years of irritating lecturing, preaching, and bragging.
SCORE YOUR TEST RESULTS
Let's make this process really simple, shall we? D is the correct answer for all 25 multiple-choice questions.
D as in "duh." Unfortunately, there might be some of you who have been drinking cow's milk since childhood,
so you still don't get it, and may never get it. Award yourself four points for each correct response.
If you scored 88 or better, you are either a vegan (eat no animal flesh and drink no body fluids) or a professional cheesehead. You know milk issues like few people do. You are to be congratulated for your wisdom! If you scored between 72 and 84, you haven't been paying attention to the real science contained on the NotMilk website. Go back and study!
If you scored between 52 and 68, you've passed barely, but only because we're grading on a curve. Go sit by
yourself in a quiet little corner and repeat over and over again the following mantra: "Pus with hormones and glue, pus with hormones and glue, pus with hormones and glue." Use this visualization the next time you are tempted to slurp ice cream, munch cheddar, or drown yourself in a tub of melted butter.
If you scored below the 50th percentile, instruct your attorney to re-write your last will and testament and leave your estate to your doctors. They'll ultimately end up with most of your money, anyway. Heart disease claims the lives of nearly two out of three Americans, and cancers account for one out of every three deaths. The average American spends ten years dying from coronary-related events or carcinomas. What you don't know about milk may kill you. The healthy alternative? Discover the fountain of youth: NotMilk!
If you scored under 25, you've got very little hope remaining. You are an udderly absurd excuse for a human, and have earned the right to continue to consume body fluids from diseased animals. If you are still ambulatory, treat yourself to Domino's Pizza for dinner and slurp Ben and Jerry's ice cream for dessert. Set your alarm clock for a 12-hour wake up call. This might be your last chance, so pay attention to your body's signals. If your internal sludge and congestion do not convince you, nothing ever will.