Practical Issues > "To Do" Index > Activism > Twelve Days of Xmas 2009
Twelve Days of Xmas - Day 11 - Top Ten Lists

DAY 11: Stumpy & Bunny's Top 10 Lists
& Twas the Night Before Christmas

Top Ten Reasons it Sucks to Be Huntingdon Life Sciences

10. People move away from you, when you ride on elevators or escalators and no one will carpool with you.

9. Your customers bury their relatives in unmarked graves to avoid losing the remains of former loved ones.

8. Someone burns down the hunting lodge of the CEO of one of your biggest customers. a-a-a-w-w-w, so SAD.

7. Another day, another animal rights group, another lawsuit. How many open cases do you have, HLS???

6. You have to train your customers and suppliers on how to pretend that they don't live at their home address.

5. You need therapy after the undertaker comes for your body, only problem is you are not dead yet.

4. You have so many hidden Cayman Island accounts that you can't secure a corporate line of credit.

3. Everyone on Wall Street really does think you have STUPID written across your forehead.

2. Your kids go vegan & join the protests, while your companion animals want to go home with the protesters

1. After spending years fighting to get back on the New York Stock Exchange, you have to convince everyone it was really your idea to leave the New York Stock Exchange.

Top Ten Reasons You Know You Are an Effective Activist

10. Your protests draw more police officers than protesters.

9. Police officers start cracking their knuckles and stroking their batons when they see you on the street.

8. Your stack of lawsuits is taller than you are.

7. You consider jail time a time to rest and recharge your batteries, not to mention the free healthcare.

6. You order your favorite brands of spray paint, crazy glue and 'Liquid Ass' in bulk.

5. Your file has it's own personal file cabinet at FBI headquarters.

4. Your favorite hat converts into a balaclava with a single tug.

3. You can't get a bullhorn permit for protests, because your voice is considered a dangerous weapon.

2. You get upgraded from domestic eco-terrorist to international eco-terrorist.

1. You are banned from more countries than Osama Bin Laden.

Twas the Night Before Christmas at HLS

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the lab
Not a creature was stirring, not even a crab.
All the lab coats were hung, in their lockers with care
With hopes that no one would know, what goes on in there.
Then what did I see, when I next looked out back
But a crew dressed in black, with sacks on their backs.
One motioned to others with quick clever hand signals
"Start taking the beagles from their cold lonely kennels".
And faster than you can say the letters A-L-F
They moved through the labs liberating the rest.
First beagles, then kitties, then hamsters and rats
Then guinea pigs, rabbits, veal calves, birds and bats.
They opened the cages and let every single one out
As they smashed it all up, they started to shout:
"Baker, Cass, Bibi and Michaelson too
If you don't cut it out, we will do this to you!"
But before they could leave they had one more chore
That this lab couldn't function they had to be sure
They must put an end to this nasty pain whore
So they took all their timers and gas cans galore
And they set it all up, to go off with a roar
With the critters now safe and free from their pain
They barked, purred and played as bad memories waned.
One of the masked ones was then heard to say,
as they climbed over fences and melted away'.
"HLS, if you torture and kill any more,
we'll be back with C-4 and you'll pay then for sure"

by Camille Hankins, WAR - Xmas 2005


Join us in lifting a glass of yuletide cheer or vegan egg nog to toast the season and those who have dedicated their spirits to protecting Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants, human and non-human. We are all brothers and sisters, sharing this planet, and we need to protect one another. Let us hope that next year peace and joy will reign our planet.

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