What's the
Difference Between Coping and Healing?
Coping is
about resiliency--keeping up our ability to manage stress
day
to day. It's about the necessary need for finding ways to escape
the pressures of stress, and about needed short term
rejuvenation.
Healing is
about preventing and alleviating the root causes of our stress for
long term change.
It's about figuring out what causes it and
committing to either trying to change it, accept it, or leaving it.
Healing is about our deepest levels of learning, growth and
awareness.
Coping and
Healing are both needed to help with compassion fatigue.
Coping
is what we do when we take a much needed coffee break after a
particularly difficult exchange with a boss, or member of the
public. Healing is what we do when we take the time to stop to
really think about "why do I react that way with this person?" "How
can I think about this situation differently, how can I frame it,
how can I perhaps respond differently so it doesn't always rile me
up so horribly?" "How can I change it for the long run?" Healing is
when we want to truly change the situation or our reaction to it,
not merely escape the pain and tension it brings.
And, escape
from tension is also necessary! Joseph Campbell, the famous
mythologist, calls it a need for having a "bliss station." We do
need places to go and things to do to bring us relief from the
stress and pain of this work. Imagine the cycle of stress
represented as a circle. Along this circle there are events or
situations which trigger our negative reactions (pain, heartache,
frustration, anger, etc.). Coping is what we do to live through
those events or periods of time. Healing is what we do to literally
remove those events from our lives, or when we shift our thoughts
and feelings about the issues so deeply that when the events occur,
they no longer trigger such unpleasant reactions. In our own stress
cycles of life, if all we do is cope, we're really just taking
breaths in between bouts of stressful events. In the highly
stressful environment of animal welfare work, coping without deeper
healing will burn us out. Coping and healing are very
important.
Take a look
at the following list of differences and examples of coping and
healing. Where do you see yourself? What strategies might you want
to add to your own repertoire of coping and healing skills? Beyond
these lists, there are three case studies of people working in
animal welfare: one in a shelter, one as a humane officer, and one
as a grass roots rescue volunteer. Read their stories, assess how
you see their stress and how they are coping and healing. Finally,
and perhaps most importantly, you may want to fill out the form
called Action Plan for Your Stress. This is a place for you to pull
together all you may have learned or thought about in reading these
pages. You deserve a good life. If there are things that might make
it better, go for it!
|
COPING |
HEALING |
|
Builds
resiliency to buffer the cycles of stress |
Breaks the cycle
of stress |
|
Band-aides |
Solves
problems |
|
Maintains status
quo |
Creates state of
wholeness |
| What we do to
get by, survive stressful issues |
What we do to
resolve, come to terms with stressful issues (at least
our reactions to them) |
|
Helps reduce
tension |
Replaces tension
with acceptance and serenity |
|
Express feelings
simply to vent |
Express feelings
with intent to understand them, process them, let
them go & move on |
Find ways to
escape overwhelming emotions so can continue life
without disruption
(perhaps sweeping problems under
rug) |
Aware of
emotions and work to resolve them
(face problems
squarely) |
| Temporarymeasures |
Long
lastingmeasures |
|
Alleviates
symptoms |
Alleviates
root causes |
| Helps to
escape stress |
Requires us to
fully face issues surrounding stress |
|
Can be light
and fun |
Can be
intense |
|
Can be
quick,
immediate |
Takes more
time & consideration |
Examples of Coping and
Healing
|
COPING |
HEALING |
|
Sharing feelings
in a support group.
Vent feelings just to get them
out. |
Sharing feelings
in a support group
with intent to resolve them
|
|
Sharing feelings
and stories with co-workers, friends or family |
Sharing feelings
and stories with co-workers, friends or family with
intent
to understand them |
|
Taking time to
relax--either favorite leisure activities or relaxation
exercises |
Relaxation or
meditation to help come to terms with the stress and
heal any pain |
|
Pray--use
spiritual beliefs and practices for support to practices for
support to get by |
Pray--use
spiritual beliefs and practices for support to get by and to
truly learn and be guided |
|
Get aways! A few
hours or long vacation to simply escape tension and
responsibility |
Use some time of
the getaway for reflection, to come back to
center. . . |
|
Listen to music
for pure enjoyment |
Choose music to
intentionally match your mood to legitimize your feelings and
allow full emotional expression |
|
Enjoy beautiful
art |
Express your
feelings through drawing, painting or clay. Look for and
reflect on messages from your heart |
|
Write in a
journal |
Reflect on what
you write in your journal, see the patterns, learn and grow
from it |
|
Spend time in
nature |
Allow the magic
of nature to soothe and heal you |
|
Spend time with
human and animal loved ones |
Spend quality
time with them, building reciprocity of love, caring and
support |
|
Moving from
department to department, from job to job when can't get along
with someone. Blaming almost all problems on others.
|
When having
problems with boss or others, really think seriously about
why, what do I contribute to problem, what does other
contribute? Work does other contribute? Work to make
relationship constructive. When that doesn't work, then
initiate transfers to new jobs, learn from what didn't
work. |
Case
Studies: Tale of Three Animal Care Workers
(the stories
are fictitious but were based on composite people and
events)
Tina... a
customer care technician who is devoted to helping
animals.
Tina has
loved animals all her life and is very happy to have a job helping
them. She used to work in a vet office and is a registered vet tech
but wanted to be with more helpless, homeless animals so she got a
job in a shelter.
The work is
starting to get to her though. First she thought it was the
euthanasia-- which she did for four years almost everyday. So when
she asked for and got a transfer to customer care she thought things
would be better. But she still has the nightmares. Especially after
a day of people coming in with hideous reasons to give up their
animals. She always feels like she wants to strangle them. She
thought her anger toward the people who abandon animals would get
better when she stopped doing euthanasia and got to do adoptions.
But it's just as bad. She always tells her friends that you don't
have to be a brain surgeon to figure out that there are many, many
more people dumping their animals at the shelter than there are
people coming in to adopt and take home animals. . and that too many
animals are euthanized because people just don't care enough to keep
them. When she thinks about these numbers she gets alternately
depressed or mad.
And her
boyfriend! He's a great guy overall but he does NOT understand how
she feels. Whenever she starts to talk about it he just doesn't want
to hear it. He just says "get another job." This really pisses her
off and they fight about it a lot. In fact, in the support group at
the shelter which she has attended for two years, she complains
about his lack of understanding every week. She also talks to this
group about how she could never, ever forgive her ex-husband. Some
years ago, her husband abandoned her and their children for another
woman and moved out of state. Their children were one and three when
this happened and he has never sent a dime of child support. They
are now teenagers and Tina has worked very, very hard all these
years to raise them by herself.
Her boyfriend
and her kids do have some good times. Her favorite "escape" is their
camping trips. When she is in nature, seeing wildlife and unspoiled
land, away from it all, she feels rejuvenated for weeks afterward.
And now that the kids are older, she plays on a softball team each
year which really helps her forget the pain of work.
One of the
other things that bugs her at work is management. Her supervisor is
always telling her about some stupid new rule like being extra nice
to big donors when they come in or bending the adoption rules for
some board member. "Damn!," Tina thinks. "So what if they're rich
people who can write big checks easier than I can pay my rent?
They've never stepped one foot inside our euthanasia room and if
they ever worked in the kennels for an hour they'd probably faint
from the noise and smell or from chipping their expensive manicure
job. They don't have a clue what really happens around here." Tina's
supervisor understands how she feels, and even shares some of the
same opinions, but has tried to get Tina to understand how important
donors are to continuing their work for the animals. She has even
asked Tina on more than occasion to participant in an on-going
committee for long range planning made up of management, non
management employees and board members. Tina's response is always
the same. "Tell them to do it themselves. I've got real work to
do."
Tina sees the
world--especially how animals and most employees are treated, as a
very unfair, harsh place. She figures if she can get in a few
camping trips a year, keep playing softball, and stay in the support
group at work she'll stay sane.
Toby: a
humane officer who takes great pride in his work
When Toby
sees animals who've been treated cruelly he relates to their pain
and helplessness very deeply. He knows first hand what cruelty is
about because for several years as a little boy he was physically
abused by his father. He feels both compelled to help them and very
fulfilled when he can. For many years, he had revenge fantasies
about what he'd like to see happen to the people who hurt animals.
And these were not passing comments to co-workers to let off a
little steam. He harbored these fantasies and felt obsessed with
hatred toward not only anyone who abused animals but everyone who
did not spay and neuter and everyone who "dumped" their animals at
the shelter. Even when he walked his dog, which was about his
favorite thing in the world to do, he couldn't get rid of the
tension he felt.
After awhile
the anger and hatred got to him. He developed an ulcer, his wife was
having a hard time dealing with his constant rage, and it was just
hard to enjoy life. He started realizing that his rage at was not
just toward animal abusers--it was at his own father. And that his
emotional pain and grief was not just for the animals but for what
happened to him as a child. When he first began realizing all of
this, he felt pretty vulnerable. "After all," he thought, I'm an
adult. I have an important job to do, a living to earn, and I am a
husband who loves my wife... I can't afford to sit around like some
wimp and cry about my past." But he did read a few books on
childhood trauma, and did have some counseling sessions just to
clear his thinking. Though he believed it might be a long time
before he could forgive his father for what he did to him, he wanted
to be sure not to mix up those feelings with his work. He decided to
make some changes in his present life.
First of all,
even though it still disappointed him that his wife really didn't
want to hear about his cases, he came to believe that it's almost
impossible for someone outside the field to really understand. When
he needs to talk about certain cases now, he talks to people at
work. And what really felt good is that he stopped resenting his
wife for not wanting to hear it all. They have many other great
things going in their relationship and he figured if this is the
only need I have to get fulfilled elsewhere, well, no big
deal.
The other
decision he made was to channel all his hatred and rage toward
perpetrators into something constructive. He decided to become an
even more skilled and competent investigator to increase chances of
prosecution. He began taking classes from AHA, HSUS, and NACA in
gathering evidence, crime scene photography and interviewing
witnesses. He made it his business to learn what evidence the local
DA's would need to prosecute. And he began building positive
relationships with them, instead of just resenting how many cases
they wouldn't accept. He subscribed to CHAIN and went to more
conferences, not only to learn, but to remind himself that he is
part of a dedicated community of people who make a difference in the
lives of animals everyday. He also reminded himself often that he
knew he could not save them all. But that even with that hard fact,
he could and would feel good about every action he did take to help.
He knew he was part of the solution.
Toby looks
forward to many years of fulfilling work.
Note:
C.H.A.I.N. Letter, is a quarterly publication of the The Collective
Humane Action and Information Network, with the purpose to
"establish and maintain a communication network for the purpose of
improving the quality of investigation of crimes against animals,
and increasing the effectiveness of enforcement of animal
protections laws." To subscribe contact: Sam Marsteller
818-951-6387.
Diana: A
Devoted Cat Rescue Worker
Diana has
worked tirelessly as a volunteer for a local cat rescue group for
over six years. She has fostered countless kittens and cats in her
home, transported hundreds of cats to adoption days and spay/neuter
clinics, and picked up cats from homes where placements did not work
out. She loves the work. It has provided some of the most rewarding,
exhilarating, meaningful moments of her life. She has five cats of
her own whom she lovingly spoils and adores. Nothing touches her
heart like seeing those kitty's faces, her own and her fosters',
knowing she is doing something to help them. And nothing makes her
heart ache more than seeing and hearing how so many are still
abandoned, surrendered and homeless. She can't bear the thought of
them being euthanized in shelters, so she gives her all to help
homeless cats in her community get a home.
Overall,
Diana is a giver and a doer for others. It's been easy for her to
give so much for the cats, as she's also done for her beloved
husband, her younger sisters, and their children. She's always doing
something special for someone else. She was the oldest in an
alcoholic family. She practically raised her little sisters when
they were children and continues to strongly support them as adults.
She is the anchor in the family. For Diana, it's always felt much
easier to give to and take care of others, and not so comfortable to
receive or be taken care of herself. She has filled her life with
taking care of others.
Last year,
she began to get really tired. At first she believed it to be
entirely physical, but doctor's tests showed absolutely nothing
wrong. She remained not only tired, but became increasingly short
tempered and, much to her dismay, cynical and somewhat depressed.
Between her job, the many hours each week volunteering for the cats,
taking care of her husband and their house, and spending as much
time as possible with her nephews and nieces, she sometimes felt
like she was on a treadmill. She began to w onder what it all meant,
and if things would ever improve for homeless cats, despite
everyone's work. Things that used to fill her heart started feeling
like obligations. And on top of this, her husband complained that
she missed making dinner too many nights and her sisters criticized
the time she gave to "all those cats." First, she was determined to
prove them wrong: she made a special dinner for her husband every
night, and she visited her sisters' families every weekend, showing
she could do it all. But that didn't last; there simply weren't
enough hours in the day. Her fatigue got the best of her and she
knew it was time to cut down on her activities. Because family means
so much to her, she quit her volunteer cat rescue work.
For a time,
it seemed like the right choice. Her family was pleased she was back
in the roles they were used to her being in, she was more relaxed,
and even started going back to church where she attended a prayer
circle. It was there that one night she confided to this intimate
and safe group that she deeply missed her cat rescue work. She
described that for her, it had always felt like God's mission for
her, and that though she made a choice to honor her family, she also
felt bereft of her other purpose. The minister and other group
members suggested that perhaps they could add the plight of all the
community's homeless cats to their prayer circle every week. Diana
was delighted and grateful. She soon found a quiet peace, believing
that even when she couldn't care for the cats herself, others joined
her in asking God to watch out for them. And a side benefit (a big
one she thought) was that in the discussions about the cats, the
other group members learned about animal welfare issues they were
previously ignorant about. Many of them made clear commitments to
spay and neuter their pets and to get their next ones from a shelter
or rescue group. Diana was thrilled. Here she was at a prayer group,
helping cats! Another unexpected benefit was that a fellow group
member who became a new friend to Diana, after getting to know her
life's concerns, suggested that she might enjoy reading some
literature and attending some meetings of Adult Children of
Alcoholics, an off shoot of AA designed to help children who grew up
in alcoholic families. Diana followed up on this and began to
discover a lot of unconscious motives she had for trying to save
everyone around her.
She began to
ponder how she could express the natural nurturer she knew herself
to be, to pour this on her human family, as well as the cats she
loved so dearly. She felt little nudges inside that her choices did
not have to be extremes of black or white, either/or, but could mean
more subtle compromises. She missed the rescue work and decided she
would find a way to bring it back into her life in a more balanced
way. When she approached her husband about it, suggesting that she
get back into the work with some limited time boundaries, he
initially rebuffed her. After she made it clear she was going to do
it with or without his support, he came around a bit more. He
admitted he had been jealous of the attention she gave the cats, and
didn't like sharing her. And she admitted that she was learning that
she had been "addicted to giving" and that now she was committed to
being the natural nurturer she was, but with healthier boundaries.
She also explained that she felt she had just as much right to a
passionate hobby as he did with his golf. Over time, she carefully
negotiated new roles in her marriage: they both worked, they both
began to contribute to household chores and cooking, they both spent
time on passionate hobbies, and they spent intimate time together.
It took a lot of patience on her part, but it was worth it to her to
work for what she cherished--her human family and those beloved
cats.
Assessing
Tina's, Toby's and Diana's Stress |
|
1. What are the
SYMPTOMS & PRESSURES they are experiencing? |
|
|
|
|
|
2. What are they
doing to COPE? (i.e. to get by, survive...) |
|
|
|
|
|
3. What are they
doing to HEAL? (i.e. to resolve stress, come to terms...)
|
|
|
|
|
Action Plan for
YOUR Stress |
|
In
regard to your pressures and stress...
1. What
are you doing to COPE? (i.e. to get by, survive...)
|
|
2. What
are you doing to HEAL? (i.e. to resolve stress, come to
terms...)
|
|
3. What
is one additional thing you can begin to do (or do more of!)
to strengthen your own prevention and healing of compassion
fatigue?
|
