God Spoke to Me: He Said "Stop Fucking With My Creations!"

April 26, 2009

Why would god choose to impart his message to an atheist? Probably just part of the greater plan that I don't understand... "mysterious ways."

But he does exist. I saw him. He spoke to me. And, yes, I was/am sober.

The almighty lord showed me his face and I felt the glory. And, he explained that his most fervent supporters are morally bankrupt and cognitively deficient -- "bible thumpers" he called them; and he told me that people will not like to hear these words but that it is all for the greater good.

But I do have proof. God touched a king-size sheet (220-thread count) and, miraculously, The Real Ten Commandments appeared to glow on the fabric. Of course, he told me to bury the evidence in a secure place and never let another human being's eyes glimpse his magnificence. But, I've been charged with spreading the message:

God's Real Commandments

1-STOP FUCKING WITH MY CREATIONS. Some frustrated villager wrote about "dominion". And 5,000 years later my human children are still stumbling around drenched in blood; my non-human children are confined in misery; violence perpetuates violence. STOP!

2-I'M NOT A VENGEFUL MOTHER FUCKER. More lies they published that the weak and fearful bought into. Look around at the world I gave you. Everything you needed to live in love and beauty was there. But mankind succumbed to his degenerate nature and perverted the planet. Now you reap what you've sown.

3-SILENCE (AND TOLERANCE) ARE THE ONLY SINS. There is a hell. And there's a den reserved for those whose eyes see evil but who are too timid to speak for the oppressed. No one will speak for you either when your soul is on the eternal rotisserie. Then you'll understand that silence is evil.

4-THE MEEK (AND SILENT AND COMPLICIT) SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH. But it will be a cesspool of rotting flesh, mutilated corpses, swine flu, avian flu, mad cow disease, infertile earth and misery. You get what you fight for.

5-HUMANS HAVE DOMINION OVER NOTHING. You're a bunch of narcissistic arrogant beings -- one of my experiments gone horribly wrong.

6-RELIGION DOES NOT HONOR ME. Religion may give you a sense of community. But religion serves to indoctrinate the masses into ideas that have nothing to do with me. Religion is wielded by humans to keep other humans in line. Wake up!

7-THINK FOR YOURSELF. I gave you eyes to observe and minds to think and understand. Why do you so willingly relinquish your own thoughts for those of other humans. Except for the author of this note, humans have no personal line to me. You're all stumbling around, equally in the dark (I repeat, except for the author.)

8-STOP FUCKING WITH MY ANIMALS. Swine flu, bird flu, mad cow disease, many more to come.

9-STOP FUCKING WITH MY ANIMALS. If you insist of ravaging flesh from their mutilated corpses, choke on it and die, mother fucker.

10-STOP FUCKING WITH MY ANIMALS. Who the fuck do you think you are?

11-GO VEGAN OR DIE MOTHER FUCKER!