Cat Haikus

The food in my bowl Is old, and more to the point Contains no tuna.
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So you want to play. Will I claw at dancing string? Your ankle's closer.
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There's no dignity In being sick - which is why I don't tell you where.
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Seeking solitude I am locked in the closet. For once I need you.
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Tiny can, dumped in Plastic bowl. Presentation, One star; service: none.
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Am I in your way? You seem to have it backwards: This pillow's taken.
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Your mouth is moving; Up and down, emitting noise. I've lost interest.
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The dog wags his tail, Seeking approval. See mine? Different message.
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My brain: walnut-sized. Yours: largest among primates. Yet, who leaves for work?
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Most problems can be Ignored. The more difficult Ones can be slept through.
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My affection is conditional. Don't stand up, It's your lap I love.
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Cats can't steal the breath Of children. But if my tail's Pulled again, I'll learn.
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I don't mind being Teased, any more than you mind A skin graft or two.
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So you call this thing Your "cat carrier." I call These my "blades of death."
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Toy mice, dancing yarn Meowing sounds. I'm convinced: You're an idiot.
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No place has more charm Than the book you try to read. Read my fur instead.
(Stephen Colley, San Antonio)
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