Osteoporosis

Note: Although I wrote this song for five parts, I chose a key such that it can easily be played on a sole acoustic guitar. The "Tell me! Tell me!" lines are intended to be sung like gospel choir members listening to the doctor as if he were some kind of evangelical preacher. The doctor should sing his/her part with mock seriousness and the patient should sing a bit more light-heartedly.

This just popped into my head: during the solo, the doctor could start maniacally chugging glasses of "milk".

1st verse:
(Doctor)
I say to drink your milk, just drink your milk.
You need it for strong bones and teeth. [Tell me! Tell me!]
Drink your milk, just drink your milk.
You need it for your calcium. [Tell me! Tell me!]

If you do not drink your milk,
You will be in bad shape indeed. [Tell me! Tell me!]
And then your bones and teeth will start to rot,
And you will start to feel very weak. [Tell me! Tell me!]

And you'll get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
And you'll get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]

(Patient)
Well now doctor, with all due respect,
You're reasoning's severely flawed. [Tell me! Tell me!]
When the milk companies say we need milk,
The judges say they break the law.? [Tell me! Tell me!]

Many Asians and Black Africans,
They can't digest their milk, you know.? [Tell me! Tell me!]
And Bantu women often have ten kids,
Though their calcium intake is low.? [Tell me! Tell me!]

They don't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
They don't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]

(Solo)

(Patient)
They don't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
They don't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]

2nd verse:
(Doctor)
I say to drink your milk, just drink your milk.
You need it for strong bones and teeth. [Tell me! Tell me!]
Drink your milk, just drink your milk.
You need it for your calcium. [Tell me! Tell me!]

If you do not drink your milk,
You will be in bad shape indeed. [Tell me! Tell me!]
And then your bones and teeth will start to rot,
And you will start to feel very weak. [Tell me! Tell me!]

And you'll get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
And you'll get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]

(Patient)
Well now doctor, many studies show
That when you eat too much protein, [Tell me! Tell me!]
Then your body throws out calcium
No matter how much calcium you eat.4 [Tell me! Tell me!]

With salmonella, protein, pesticides,
Your milk could make me very ill. [Tell me! Tell me!]
Hey doctor, if I need more calcium,
I think I'd rather take a pill.

I won't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
I won't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]

I won't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of the bones. [Tell me! Tell me!]
I won't get osteoporosis.
It's the weakening of, weakening of, weakening of
The bones.

The following annotations back up the assertions made in this song. Many to all of them are from Diet for a New America, by John Robbins, but I don't have the book handy to provide more detailed information as well as a reference. I will elaborate more sometime later.

? The dairy industry attempted to use the slogan "Every Kid Needs Milk", but were taken to court and forced to abandon this attempt.
? An exceedingly high percentage of Asians and Black Africans are lactose-intolerant. This is a thorny problem for the dairy industry.
? African Bantu women have an average daily calcium intake of around 250mg of calcium per day, well under the USRDA of 1000-1200mg. Yet they have extremely low incidences of osteoporosis and often have many children. Ironically, osteoporosis runs the most rampant in Western countries.
4 The dairy industry would love to show the consumers conclusive proof that milk prevents osteoporosis, but it can't. So it relies on illogical arguments such as "Osteoporosis is the loss of calcium. Milk contains calcium. Therefore, milk might help prevent osteoporosis." In fact, the contrary may be true. Milk contains large amounts of protein and studies have shown that an excessive protein intake inhibits the absorption of calcium. In a dairy-industry-sponsored study, two groups of women were given the same diet, but one group had three extra glasses of milk per day. At the end of the study, the milk-drinking group actually had a negative calcium balance!

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