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Animal Rights Quotes
Key words: Humor. Satire.
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Author

Source

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notes

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health

vivis

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peace

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suffer

celeb

My wife, Kimora, once told me while we were watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre that that's a vegetarian movie. The way that woman was screaming, "Aaaahhh," and she's running away that's how every animal you eat is running for his life ...

Simmons, Russell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

2

y

...and we have so far improved upon the custom of Adam and Eve, that we generally furnish forth our feasts with a portion of some delicate calf or lamb, whose unspotted innocence entitles them to the happiness of becoming our sustenance.

Hawthorne, Nathanial

American novelist, a founder of American literary romanticism

1804

1864

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

A mind of the calibre of mine cannot derive its nutriment from cows.

Shaw, George Bernard

playwright, Nobel prize 1925

1856

1950

vegetarian

 

 

3

 

2

 

 

 

 

y

A Society of Three Legged Animals: for those who love meat but don't want to kill.

unknown

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

Deer hunting would be fine sport, if only the deer had guns.

Gilbert, William S.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Each chef in this murder mystery dies in the way he prepares his premier dish. Thus one is dropped like a lobster into boiling water. Another is sliced and diced etc.

Screenwriter

"Who Killed the Chefs of Europe?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Edith Bunker: Archie.. do you want eggs for breakfast? Archie: I'm not going to eat anything that was in a cow's mouth. Fix me eggs, Edith.

Bunker, Archie and Edith

TV characters

1970

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Ever occur to you why some of us can be this much concerned with animals suffering?  Because government is not. Why not? Animals don't vote.

Harvey, Paul

Radio personality

1918

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

For Folks Who Eat (re cod liver oil, liver etc.) Eating liver out of a cow's body is like eating the filter out of a car.

Gregory, Dick

author of Cookin With Mother Nature

1932

 

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

He is a heavy eater of beef. Methinks it doth harm to his wit.

Shakespeare

Twelfth Night

1564

1616

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

He was a vegetarian most of his life until as an elder statesman he traveled to Paris: Venison and venery defeated me.

Franklin, Benjamin

U.S. statesman

1706

1790

mostly vegetarian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Human beings are the only animals of which I am throughly and cravenly afraid.

Shaw, George Bernard

playwright, Nobel prize 1925

1856

1950

vegetarian

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

y

Hunting is not a sport.  In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.

Rodriguez, Paul

comedian

1997

 

 

 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

Brown, A. Whitney

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. Well, I think my mother is attractive, but I just keep photographs of her.

DeGeneres, Ellen

actress, comedian U.S.

1999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

I never thought much of the courage of a lion-tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people.

Shaw, George Bernard

playwright, Nobel prize 1925

1856

1950

vegetarian

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

I will not eat anything that walks, runs, skips, hops or crawls.  God knows that I've crawled on occasion, and I'm glad that no one ate me.

Poulos, Alex

 

 

 

pw2.netcom.com/~axleplus/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I would not want to get to know a pig very well if I intended to eat him.

Leigh, Pat

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

If I'm lucky enough to get to heaven I might find that God is a beaver or a burro. What a sad world it would be if only the two-legged were here. We have established a Let's Hunt The Hunters Club.. and we have certain rules: a. we're only doing it for their good.. to cull the herd b. we don't interfere with their mating season in parked cars c. we don't encourage anyone to mount a hunter on the hood d. in wall mounting you may include the cap and the jacket.

Amory, Cleveland

Harvard Crimson editor, TV Guide, Parade columnist

1917

1998

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Twain, Mark

wrote Tom Saywer & Huckleberry Finn

1835

1910

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

In studying the traits and dispositions of the so-called lower animals, and contrasting them with man's, I find the result humiliating to me.

Twain, Mark

wrote Tom Saywer & Huckleberry Finn

1835

1910

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Lord, help me to become the person my dog believes me to be.

Martin, Canon Charles

 

 

 

of Washington, D.C.

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victims he intends to eat until he eats them.

Butler, Samuel

English author, Note-Books, 1912

1835

1902

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it.

Maher, Bill

comedian

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Men hunt I think maybe because they have something wrong with thier own equipment and they need something else to shoot.

Anderson, Pamela

TV, movie personality, Canadian

 

 

 

 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.

Fields, W. C.

 

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Nothing spoils lunch any quicker than a rogue meatball rampaging through your spaghetti.

Davis, Jim

cartoonist, U.S.

1995

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Prince Charming is very nice and very honest and very confident in who he is and funny and knows how to have a kick-ass fun time. Is willing to melt away so that nothing else exists in the world except himself and his princess and loves food and cats and every life form except human beings which is not necessary.

Silverstone, Alicia

American actress

1997

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of a gun.

Wodehouse, P. G.

English author, Jeeves

1881

1975

 

 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Tongue - a variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of a dead cow.

Ekstrom, Bob

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning "lousy hunter."

Rooney, Andy

TV, 60 Minutes

1995

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?  I'm halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God.  I could be eating a slow learner.

Montgomery, Lynda

 

1997

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You put a baby in a crib with an apple and a rabbit. If it eats the rabbit and plays with the apple, I'll buy you a new car.

Diamond, Harvey

 

1988

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.

Adams, Scott

creator of the cartoon Dilbert

 

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

People often say that humans have always eaten animals, as if this is a justification for continuing the practice. According to this logic, we should not try to prevent people from murdering other people, since this has also been done since the earliest of times.

Singer, Isaac Bashevis

Polish author, Nobel prize, 1978

1904

1991

 

 

 

 

 

1

 

3

 

 

y

I don't eat any animals or anything that has to do with animals. No fish or egg or dairy because I personally don't feel it's a good practice to eat anything that might run away from you.

Simmons, Russell

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

y

If we cut up beasts simply because they cannot prevent us and because we are backing our own side in the struggle for existence, it is only logical to cut up imbeciles, criminals, enemies, or capitalist for the same reasons.

Lewis, C. S.

Irish author, novels and essays

1898

1963

Chair of Medieval and Renaissance Literature at Cambridge

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

y

One farmer says to me, "You cannot live on vegetable food solely, for it furnishes nothing to make the bones with;" and so he religiously devotes a part of his day to supplying himself with the raw material of bones; walking all the while he talks behind his oxen, which, with vegetable-made bones, jerk him and his lumbering plow along in spite of every obstacle.

Thoreau, Henry David

essayist and poet. Wrote "Civil Disobedience"

1817

1862

"Disobedience," influenced Gandhi & Martin Luther King Jr.

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

The sort of man who likes to spend his time watching a cage of monkeys chase one another, or a lion gnaw its tail, or a lizard catch flies, is precisely the sort of man whose mental weakness should be combated at the public expense, and not fostered.

Mencken, H.L.

Journalist, quoted in N.Y. Evening Mail, 1918

1880

1956

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

y

The wild, cruel animal is not behind the bars of a cage. He is in front of it.

Munthe, Axel

Swedish writer and physician

1857

1949

youngest MD created at Montpellier, France

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one of many ways vivisectors try to get their promised cures to humans' illnesses AND money for them: "Urination: find out why an adult male dog lifts his leg to urinate while a female squats."

National Anti-Vivisection Society

 

 

 

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Anti-Vivisector does not deny that physiologists must make experiments and even take chances with new methods. He says that they must not seek knowledge by criminal methods, just as they must not make money by criminal methods. He does not object to Galileo dropping cannon balls from the top of the leaning tower of Pisa; but he would object to shoving off two dogs or American tourists.

Shaw, George Bernard

Irish playwright, Nobel prize 1925

1856

1950

vegetarian

 

 

 

1

 

 

 

2

 

y

We have enslaved the rest of the animal creation, and have treated our distant cousins in fur and feathers so badly that beyond doubt, if they were able to formulate a religion, they would depict the Devil in human form.

Inge, Rev. William Ralph

Anglican priest, Prof. Divinity, Oxford

1860

1954

Outspoken Essays, 1922

 

 

 

 

2

 

 

 

1