Activist: Why is there a cow in the backyard?
Drew: It's what's for dinner.
Drew: (Pointing to the rear end) So, uh, what do you want tonight? You
want the rump roast?
Drew: (Pointing to the mid section) Prime rib?
Drew: (Pointing to the general front region) Or if you don't want
anything fancy we can just have good old meat loaf.
Activist: (Walking over to cow, carressing its head) Awwwwww, look at
those big beautiful brown eyes.
Drew: Sure, how do you want 'em? Scrambled? Sunny-side up?
Activist: Oh stop it! What are you talking about?
Drew: Look, I'm just trying to show you why you became a Vegetarian in
the first place. You don't really want to eat that beautiful animal, do
Activist: (Stroking Drew's arm) No, I don't.
Activist: (Runs over to cow and takes its head in her hand) I'm sorry
cow! How can I make it up to you?
Drew's friend: (Hands Activist the cow's leash) You can ride her back
to Crazy Land.
Activist: (To cow) Did you hear that cow? We're not gonna eat you,
you're gonna be safe.
Drew: Well, you know it's safe from you, but it's not gonna be safe
Activist: What are you talking about?
Drew: Look, I'm a meat-eater, this isn't gonna work. You're meant to
save the world, I'm meant to use up its resources callously. What we're
trying here is just impossible.
Activist: You're right. I gotta admit... down deep, you disgust me.
Drew: And I've had to restrain myself from slapping you.
Activist: And I felt that. (Kissing Drew.) Well, thanks for the cow.
(She begins to walk away with the cow following behind her.)
Drew: Well, uh, y'know, I didn't buy the cow, I just rented her from
Mimi's friend's ranch.
Activist: What are you saying, you're gonna take her back to be
Drew: Well you don't have to put it that way. I think of it as taking
her home so I can get my $1000 deposit back.
Activist: Yeah well sorry, I'm gonna take her to a no-kill shelter
where she's gonna live a long and happy life. So long. (Walks away with
Drew: If I knew it was gonna cost me 1000 bucks I would've gotten a